The Welcome Mat: A Virtual Venn Diagram

Posted on by March 20, 2012
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Mamacita says:  I’ll start this off with my usual flippant “Bring it on.”

There is a child’s world, and there is an adult’s world.  Often, they intersect.  Sometimes, they don’t, and each is best kept in his/her proper section.  Those who believe adults belong in every aspect of the child’s world are intruding, behaving inappropriately, and are probably very unwelcome.  Those who believe children belong in every aspect of the adult’s world are equally intruding, behaving inappropriately, and are no doubt very unwelcome.

Most of the time, the world is open to us all, and everybody is welcome.  The problem arises when someone is of the opinion that his/her own personal point of view is everybody’s point of view, and if it’s not, seeks to make it so. “This benefits MEEEEE, so everybody else needs to chill.”  Um, no.

Just as adults are creepy and intrusive when children are trying to interact with each other, children can be creepy and intrusive when adults are trying to interact with each other.

Nobody is welcome everywhere.  Why should they be?  Most places, yes.  Come on in.  Bring the kids.

But some places?  Come on in.  Children only on the playground, please.  Adults, stay back.  And other places?  Come on in.  Adults only, please.  Children, stay back.

Find out ahead of time and save us all a lot of whining, disappointment, grief, stress, complaining, elitism, pushing, insisting, and tears.  I’m talking to all of you, no age limit.

P.S.  If your kid poops in the theater and you don’t snatch it up and run like bloody hell for the door before the smell grows feelers and crawls into everybody else’s nostrils for a good long stay because you paid for a ticket, too, and deserve to see the film without interruption, you’re a jerk.  This applies to everywhere else on the planet.

P.P.S.  If you go to a child-friendly establishment of any kind and think you’ve got a right to make an equally repulsive stink because a family dared let themselves be seated near you, you’re a jerk, too.  This also applies to everywhere else on the planet.

P.P.P.S.  If the children have lovely public manners, please feel free to step over and tell the parents so.  If you’re rich, buy their dinner.  Seriously.  Well-behaved kids’ parents don’t get nearly enough public attention; people seem to save it for the disruptive kids’ parents.

To quote Inigo Montoya, “Let me sum up.”

Find out a place’s policies before you show up at the door.  If you’re allowed in, behave yourself and make sure everybody with you does likewise.  If everybody behaves, nobody else has any right to whine.  If someone in your party – no age limit – refuses to act nicely and seriously annoys other people – for whatever reason – go home and try again in a year.

There is a time and a place for adults to interact with children, and there is a time and a place for children to interact with adults.  There are also times and places for children only and adults only.

Before I forget: adults do NOT belong in the midst of an Easter egg hunt that is intended for small children.  Shame on any adult who runs out there and “helps” a kid win.  I’ve seen ’em knock little kids down trying to beat them to a golden egg.  Sad, pathetic entities, those.

As for adults who scream obscenities or demand exceptions at children’s ball games. . . they’re all going to hell, and the devil is disgusted, too.

I repeat:  Bring it on.

Shhhh, hear that sound?  That’s the universe applauding.

 

Faith and Begorrah

Posted on by March 17, 2012
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Mamacita says:
May you be buried in a
casket made from the wood
of a 100 year old oak
That I shall plant tomorrow.

Oh, tis a wondrous thing to be Irish, although the same could not be said earlier in our country’s history. Many people do not know how unwelcome the Irish were here, in those days. We’ve since learned wisdom.  About the Irish, anyway; some people are still working on wisdom in general.

I loved to read about Beany Malone for so many reasons, some of which were the casual ways their Irish ancestry was a part of their everyday lives.  Beany’s cousin Sheila McBride was the also the source of one of my favorite expressions, “pogue ma’ hone.”  It means, “the back of my hand to you.”

Click here for some cool St. Patrick’s Day experiments for you and your kids to do, stolen borrowed from the Master Magician Scientist, Steve Spangler.

What’s a little green water between friends?

 

This picture is by Tim Nyberg, a fantastic artist who draws awesome things which look even more awesome than they originally looked before he drew them so awesomely.  He drew this one  for the Wittenburg Door, which is a wonderful thing in and of itself; the site is down right now but you can still see it in its archived glory.   (Don’t click the link if the corncob makes you walk funny.)

What is it supposed to be?

Why, it’s St. Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland, of course.

It was no mean feat, and I should know.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you all. If you’re not wearing green, strangers are allowed to pinch you.

What’s that? I can’t hear you. Come a little closer. . . thaaaaat’s right.  Gotcha.

I repost this, adding a little here and there and subtracting a little likewise, each March 17, so if it looks familiar to you, you’re not crazy. Well, not about this post, anyway.

Pogue Ma’Hone to you all, for you know why you deserve it even if I don’t.

Beware the Ides of March

Posted on by March 15, 2012
4

Mamacita quotes from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar: Act 1, scene 2, 15–19

Caesar: Who is it in the press that calls on me?
I hear a tongue shriller than all the music
Cry “Caesar!” Speak; Caesar is turn’d to hear.

Soothsayer: Beware the Ides of March.

Caesar: What man is that?

Brutus: A soothsayer bids you beware the Ides of March.

And what, pray tell, are the Ides of March, that Caesar needed to be warned against them? Should we all beware the Ides of March? What are Ides?

There is no reason for any of us to beware the Ides of March. Or the Ides of September. Or the Ides of February. Etc. Heck, my beautiful daughter was born on the Ides of June.

The Ides of any month are simply the 15th of any month. The soothsayer (truthspeaker) was merely warning Caesar that something bad was going to happen on March 15. Caesar had already had other warnings – one from his wife! Caesar was very superstitious and took the warning seriously; however, this didn’t prevent him from leaving the house on March 15 anyway and walking out into the public forum.

. . . . where his best friends were waiting for him with daggers, whereupon they jumped him and stabbed him to death. For his own good, and for the good of Rome, they believed.

Caesar was just too ambitious, they thought. So, rather than risk his rise to power and popularity, they offed their best friend.

Caesar, Brutus, and Cassius – the three musketeers, the Bobbsey triplets, the inseparable pals. Caesar trusted them; he loved them; they were his friends.

Which is why, when Caesar saw who was attacking him, he cried out, in disbelief, “Et tu, Brute?” Which means, simply, “Even you, Brutus?”

But Brutus and Cassius, and the others, had realized that their pal Caesar was a little too cocky for Rome’s own good, and when even one’s best friend brags in public that he was as elite and cool as a god, one must do something to protect the nation.

“Beware the Ides of March.” And now you know what that means, and why Caesar was warned to be careful of that day.

It was, like, you know, cuz the soothsayer somehow knew that Caesar’s dearest and most beloved friends had had enough of his bragging about his coolness and were going to take him down. And they did.

But even when I was a kid and first read that scene, something inside of me SAW the expression on the man’s face when he realized that his best friend in all the world had stabbed him in the back. It was a heartbreaker.

And now you have a perfect example of another expression. Backstabber. Stabbed in the back.

Shakespeare is so awesome; I loved the language even as an elementary student. It’s exactly the same language that you’ll find in the King James Version of the Bible, which I also love.

Perhaps one of you can also answer a question that has puzzled Shakespeare fans for years: Why in the world did the man bequeath his second-best bed to his wife?

I tend to agree with Jane of Lantern Hill, who was of the opinion that “Perhaps she liked it best.”

P.S. Don’t be afraid of the language. Relax, and try to see the poetry and the amazing graphics in Shakespeare’s witty turn of phrase. It’ll knock your socks off, if you let it.

Big Speakers. Not A Euphemism.

Posted on by March 9, 2012
2

Mamacita says:  Back when I was in college, one of my friends had a map of  North America on a corkboard, hanging on his wall. When things were slow, we would take turns throwing a dart at the map, and wherever the dart landed, we would hop in a car and drive there.

A couple of times the dart landed in Canada or Mexico; with my supreme skill at the bad lucks I always had mono or strep then.

Eventually we made a rule that it had to be a place that we could reach and return from, over one weekend. That helped immensely. Mike cut down the map to show only those places.

Sometimes, we just had time to cross a state line before we had to head back to school. Why did we do this so often? I don’t know. We were in college. We were young. We were creatively silly. Do you really need a reason? We didn’t. It was fun. And we were young enough that going almost anywhere without asking permission first was a novelty. To cross a state line was a high that couldn’t be gotten any other way. I never mentioned this to my parents. Mom still doesn’t know.

Mom still doesn’t know lots of things.

I’m counting on you all not to tell her. Thank you very much.

Mike, the map’s keeper, was a great guy. Cute, too. He was an awesome dancer, and had the biggest stereo speakers of anyone I knew. (Back then, that was a plus, not a minus!) (This is not a euphemism.) (Then again, I wouldn’t know.) He could supply the music for an entire neighborhood with a flick of a switch, and often did. We used to go dancing all the time, a large group of us, at a club attached to a semi-sleazy motel on the far east side of town. It’s no longer there. I was always thankful that it never got raided when I was there; my parents would have removed me from college and put me in a convent school. And we weren’t even Catholic.

By “semi-sleazy,” I mean that it had a working neon sign. Truly sleazy motels don’t have neon. Or if by chance they do, it doesn’t work.  At least one letter is blown out of a sleazy motel neon sign.  It’s a rule.

And I never saw the inside of the motel, so I can’t enlighten you about that. Which is not to say that I was never ASKED. . . . .

I dated Mike for a year, in college. Several years ago, I got a call from one of the old ‘gang’ and was told that Mike had died. Of AIDS. His partner was calling people in Mike’s address book to let them know.  I hadn’t even known he was gay. Everybody else did, and knew it even back then, but I never suspected. It wouldn’t have made any difference; I would have still liked him; but I didn’t know. Looking back, I can see it, but at the time, I didn’t.

Maybe that was why he was never pushy about the motel. He asked, but he never insisted.

Whenever I think back on college memories, his face is what I see first. I wish I could still see it. Somehow, wherever he was, everybody was happy, everywhere was fun, and everything was cool.  He was so funny, so kind, so snarky, so witty.  He also wore hilarious boxers.  To dinner.  When he was at our table, it didn’t much matter what the menu had in store for us; dinner was awesome when he was sitting with us.

Wherever he is now, I’m sure he is having that same effect. Big speakers and all.

P.S.  Definitely not a euphemism.  BIG speakers.

P.P.S.  Shut up.

P.P.P. S.  I really miss him.

Oscar Night

Posted on by February 26, 2012
2

  Mamacita says:  I haven’t watched the Oscars for years. It’s not because I don’t groove on the host; that’s often the best part. It’s not because I didn’t enjoy any of the nominated movies, although I seldom go to the movies because it costs so much now. It’s not because I don’t admire the talent involved both in front of and behind the cameras.  I do admire it; it’s fabulous.

It’s because I can’t deal with the fact that a disgraceful amount of money is spent on stupid stuff that might better have been spent on worthwhile stuff.

When I see a lovely celebrity wearing sparkling gems and a designer gown, all I can think of is how many children’s shoes and coats might have been purchased with that money.

I look at a hairdo and think of all the hot meals that kind of money could have provided for children.

I read about the goodie bags and think about how all that money could have been so much better spent on books and socks and mittens and pencils and teddy bears instead of being wasted on all that ridiculous unneeded swag.

I look at pictures of gowns and shoes and wraps and tuxes and hair and jewels and think of the children in each and every community who don’t even know if they’re going to have anything to eat before free breakfast comes around again.  (Monday mornings are the saddest; some kids haven’t had any food since free lunch the Friday before.  Believe me; these kids don’t look forward to snow days.)

How can we justify spending all this money on overpriced dresses, elaborate hairdos, ridiculous swag, borrowed jewelry, pinching shoes, and name brands?  If I had this kind of money, I’d be dressing and feeding kids all over the place, not draping myself with designer nonsense I couldn’t even put on or take off by myself.

Am I the only person who sees these overpriced extravaganzas this way?

Don’t get me wrong; I firmly believe people deserve awards and rewards for their hard work and amazing talents; however, I think these elaborate displays would be so much better if they were perhaps a little less elaborate and the money were spent on our nation’s children.  I love the singing and dancing, but I just can’t deal with the display of wealthy wastefulness.  Why can’t we “notice” these people for their accomplishments, not their clothing?

I think our children deserve some awards and rewards and recognition for their hard work and amazing talents far more than these adults do.

Maybe if we concentrated our attention and delight and expectations on children, rather than on adults, and saved some of the attention, adulation, and swag for our talented & hardworking kids, we might end up with more adults who deserve glory, too.

I think focusing on marketing and glitz detracts from what the Oscars ought to be: public rewards for hard work and talent.  A person doesn’t need to dress like a walking advertisement,  an overpriced mannequin in a designer’s shop window, to be admired and remembered.  How many Oscar winners are known more for their outfits than for what they actually won the award for?

Wouldn’t it be awesome if the celebrities started wearing their own clothes to pick up their awards, and donated the cost of the overpriced, often ugly, dress to a local school or hospital?  That’s where the real winners are, remember.

Quite possibly I’m the only person in the world who views these presentations this way, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.  It might mean I’m alone, but that never stopped me from  thinking.

“Shoehorn.”

Bonus points if you know the source of THAT one.

 

 

The Presidents Speak

Posted on by February 20, 2012
4

quotationsaturdayMamacita says:  For Presidents’ Day, I thought I’d feature a quotation from each of our presidents.  No matter what our personal opinion of a president might be, he is the leader of our nation and the position, if not the person, deserves some respect.

It’s not Saturday, but let’s dive into some presidential quotations!

1.  To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace. — George Washington (1789–1797)

2. I pray Heaven to bestow the best of blessing on this house (the White House) and on all that shall hereafter inhabit it. May none but honest and wise men ever rule under this roof! — John Adams (1797–1801)

3. That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves. — Thomas Jefferson (1801–1809)

4. I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations. — James Madison (1809–1817)

5. It is only when the people become ignorant and corrupt, when they degenerate into a populace, that they are incapable of exercising their sovereignty. Usurpation is then an easy attainment, and an usurper soon found. The people themselves become the willing instruments of their own debasement and ruin. — James Monroe (1817–1825)

6. If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. — John Quincy Adams (1825–1829)

7. As long as our government is administered for the good of the people, and is regulated by their will; as long as it secures to us the rights of persons and of property, liberty of conscience and of the press, it will be worth defending. — Andrew Jackson (1829–1837)

8. The less government interferes with private pursuits, the better for general prosperity. — Martin Van Buren (1837–1841)

9. A decent and manly examination of the acts of the Government should be not only tolerated, but encouraged. — William Henry Harrison (1841)

10. Let it be henceforth proclaimed to the world that man’s conscience was created free; that he is no longer accountable to his fellow man for his religious opinions, being responsible therefore only to his God. — John Tyler (1841–1845)

11. No president who performs his duties faithfully and conscientiously can have any leisure. — James Knox Polk (1845–1849)

12. I have no private purpose to accomplish, no party objectives to build up, no enemies to punish—nothing to serve but my country. — Zachary Taylor (1849–1850 )

13. May God save the country, for it is evident that the people will not. — Millard Fillmore (1850–1853)

14. The dangers of a concentration of all power in the general government of a confederacy so vast as ours are too obvious to be disregarded. — Franklin Pierce (1853–1857)

15. I like the noise of democracy. — James Buchanan (1857–1861)

16. America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves. — Abraham Lincoln (1861–1865)

17. If the rabble were lopped off at one end and the aristocrat at the other, all would be well with the country. — Andrew Johnson (1865–1869)

18. Leave the matter of religion to the family altar, the church, and the private school, supported entirely by private contributions. Keep the church and state forever separate. — Ulysses S. Grant (1869–1877)

19. It is now true that this is God’s Country, if equal rights—a fair start and an equal chance in the race of life — are everywhere secured to all. — Rutherford B. Hayes (1877–1881)

20. Next in importance to freedom and justice is popular education, without which neither freedom nor justice can be permanently maintained. — James A. Garfield (1881)

21. I may be president of the United States, but my private life is nobody’s damned business. — Chester A. Arthur (1881–1885)

22. It is the responsibility of the citizens to support their government. It is not the responsibility of the government to support its citizens. — Stephen Grover Cleveland (1885–1889)

23. We Americans have no commission from God to police the world. — Benjamin Harrison — (1889–1893)

24. Officeholders are the agents of the people, not their masters. — Grover Cleveland (1893-1897)

25. Unlike any other nation, here the people rule, and their will is the supreme law. It is sometimes sneeringly said by those who do not like free government, that here we count heads. True, heads are counted, but brains also . . . — William McKinley (1897–1901)

26. The only man who makes no mistake is the man who does nothing. — Theodore Roosevelt (1901–1909)

27. Politics, when I am in it, makes me sick. — William Howard Taft (1909–1913)

28. If you want to make enemies, try to change something. — Thomas Woodrow Wilson (1913–1921)

29. Our most dangerous tendency is to expect too much of government, and at the same time do for it too little. — Warren G. Harding (1921–1923)

30. Character is the only secure foundation of the state. John Calvin Coolidge (1923–1929)

31. Absolute freedom of the press to discuss public questions is a foundation stone of American liberty. — Herbert Clark Hoover (1929–1933)

32. Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort. — Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1933–1945)

33. We need not fear the expression of ideas—we do need to fear their suppression. — Harry S. Truman (1945–1953)

34. There is nothing wrong with America that the faith, love of freedom, intelligence and energy of her citizens cannot cure. — Dwight David Eisenhower (1953–1961)

35. If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. — John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1961–1963)

36. You ain’t learnin’ nothin’ when you’re talkin’. — Lyndon Baines Johnson (1963–1969)

37. Always give your best, never get discouraged, never be petty; always remember, others may hate you. Those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. — Richard Milhous Nixon (1969–1974)

38. A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have. — Gerald Rudolph Ford (1974–1977)

39. We must adjust to changing times and still hold to unchanging principles. — James Earl Carter, Jr. (1977–1981)

40. We are a nation that has a government—not the other way around. And that makes us special among the nations of the earth. — Ronald Wilson Reagan (1981–1989)

41. The United States is the best and fairest and most decent nation on the face of the earth. — George Herbert Walker Bush (1989–1993)

42. There is nothing wrong in America that can’t be fixed with what is right in America. — William Jefferson Clinton (1993–2001)

43. Recognizing and confronting our history is important. Transcending our history is essential. We are not limited by what we have done, or what we have left undone. We are limited only by what we are willing to do. — George Walker Bush (2001-2009)

44. My job is not to represent Washington to you, but to represent you to Washington. — Barack Obama (2009 – present)

Now, here are some trivia questions for you and your students:

Obama, our 44th president, is actually our 43rd president.  Why?

Kennedy, at 43,  was our youngest elected president, and the oldest was Reagan, who was 69. However, Kennedy was not our youngest president; who was?

Assassination attempts were made on nine presidents, but only four attempts were successful.  Which presidents were were actually assassinated, and which presidents survived the attempt?

Four presidents died in office, besides those who were assassinated.  Can you name them?

For which president’s wife was the term “First Lady” first used?

Has the U.S. ever had an unmarried president?

How many divorced presidents have we had?

What president was not elected by the people?

Have we ever had a president who was not a U.S. citizen?

Several 19th century presidents were not college graduates, but were there any 20th century presidents who never attended any college?

Let’s talk height:  Lincoln was tallest at 6’4″, and Madison was the shortest at 5’4″.

How many of our presidents had also been vice president?

How many presidential wives gave birth while living in the White House?

We assume that most deceased presidents are buried in Arlington Cemetery.  How many presidents are buried there?

Only one president was elected unanimously.  Who was it?

Who was the first White House bride?

James Madison was the first president to wear a certain type of clothing.  What was he the first president to wear?

Which president liked to go skinnydipping in the Potomac River? (He was also the first president to be photographed!)

Which president and first lady always spoke Dutch at home?

The first vice president to become president upon the death of a president never made an inaugural address, and never ran for that office.  He also had the most children – 15!  This presidents second wife started the tradition of playing “Hail to the Chief” whenever a president appeared. Which president was he?

Which president’s wife hosted the first annual White House Thanksgiving dinner?

Who was the first president to have a Christmas tree in the White House?

Which president’s wife taught him to read and write?

Which president held the first annual Easter Egg Roll on the White House lawn?

Which president liked to answer the White House phone himself?

After the White House was wired for electricity, which president was afraid to use it?

The first president to campaign by telephone was also the first president to ride in an automobile. Who was he?

What was the original name of the White House?

Who was the first president to own a car?

Who put a flock of sheep on the White House lawn, and sold the wool to make money for the Red Cross?  He was also our first president to earn a PhD.

Which president wore size 14 shoes?

Which president donated his salary to charity and approved “The Star-Spangled Banner” as the national anthem?

Which president served his entire presidency without the use of his legs?

Which president was first to travel in a submarine and first to give a televised speech?  He used to get up at dawn to practice the piano for two hours.

Which president, while playing football at West Point, was injured when he tried to tackle Jim Thorpe?

Which president once worked as a fashion model and a Yellowstone park ranger?

This speed-reading president was the first president born in a hospital. Who was he?

Who was our first Rhodes Scholar president?

Who is our only president to have won a Grammy Award?

18 presidents never served in Congress.  Who are they? Eight of our presidents have been left-handed.  Which ones?

Fourteen presidents were once vice presidents.  Name them.

Enjoy.