Scheiss Weekly

Quotation Saturday: New Beginnings and Fresh Starts

Posted on January 3, 2016 by Jane GoodwinJanuary 3, 2016

quotation saturday, mamacita's blog, jane goodwin Mamacita says: It’s the first Saturday of the new year – it’s time for some fresh starts. Let’s all try to give ourselves, and each other, a break, shall we, and start fresh with things that need a fresh start.

It’s never too late to begin again. Let’s make the New Year a time for new beginnings.

1. If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down. — Mary Pickford

2. When faced with a challenge, look for a way, not a way out. –David Weatherford

3. Courage is about doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared. –Eddie Rickenbacker

4. One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered. –Michael J. Fox

5. Above all, challenge yourself. You may well surprise yourself at what strengths you have, what you can accomplish. –Cecile Springer

6. It takes chances to make changes. –Danielle Ballentine beginning

7. Excellence is the result of habitual integrity. –Lenny Bennett

8. Whenever you feel that something as simple as a smile or a kind act will go unnoticed, do it anyway. You never know how much it might change someone else’s life. –Erin Bishop

9. Square your shoulders to the world, be not the kind to quit; It’s not the load that weighs you down but the way you carry it. –Unknown

10. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. –Mark Twain

11. The biggest mistake you can make is continually fearing you will make one. –Unknown

12. If I were asked to give what I consider the most useful bit of advice for all humanity it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye and say, ‘I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.’ –Ann Landers

13. A true hero does what needs to be done and needs no other reason. –Unknown

14. We have all been placed on this earth to discover our own path, and we will never be happy if we live someone else’s idea of life. –James Van Praagh

15. The impossible is often untried. –Unknown

16. People whine, ‘I haven’t succeeded because I haven’t had the breaks.’ You create your own breaks. –Chuck Norris

17. Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. –Cadet maxim, West Point, New York

18. I have always tried to be true to myself, to pick those battles I felt were important. My ultimate responsibility is to myself. I could never be anything else. –Arthur Ashe

19. Make yourself a blessing to someone. Your kind smile or pat on the back just might pull someone back from the edge. –Carmelia Elliot

20. A successful life doesn’t require that we’ve done the best, but that we’ve done our best. –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

21. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
–Henry David Thoreau

22. Live your life so that if someone says ‘Be yourself’ it’s good advice. –Robert Orben

end-and-beginning 23. Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot. –Clarence Thomas

24. Go the extra mile. It’s never crowded. — Anonymous

25. . . . isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet? — L.M. Montgomery

26. The beginning is always today. –Mary Shelley

27. Be willing to be a beginner every single morning. — Meister Eckhart

28. The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it. — C.C. Scott

29. The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. — Ivy Baker

30. Remember tonight.. for it is the beginning of always. — Unknown

Remember this: you can always begin again. You can always begin again. It’s only the end if you choose not to begin again.

Your call.

Let’s Talk About Christmas

Posted on December 21, 2015 by Jane GoodwinDecember 21, 2015

Mamacita says: Let’s talk about Christmas. I consider it the crown: the end of the year, the thing that makes winter endurable. Remember, Narnia was nothing but ice, snow, and bone-chilling cold while the White Witch ruled it. “Always winter and never Christmas” is still one of the scariest descriptions I’ve ever heard.

The White Witch still wants to erase Christmas from our winter. I’ve got an idea: Let’s not allow it.

Honestly, I don’t care if people choose not to view December as the highlight of winter. Celebrate something, or not. Your call. Nobody is forcing you to believe in anything, but you probably will have to see things you refuse to have in your own home. That’s your business, your own home. I’m a firm believer in families doing whatever they want in their own homes. Once outside that home, however, people need to go with the flow, by which I mean simply BE NICE. No one person is the center of the universe, including you. . It is only in our own homes that we deserve to get our own way. And not all the time, unless you’re the only one living there.

If your belief system is that shaky, you might want to reconsider it.

Grinch, Scheiss Weekly, Christmas Grinches will get no attention from me, except the smirk and snark when they turn their backs. I expect the same consideration (until I turn my back) from them. And if they’re nice and do what’s right, nobody will ever know they’re Grinch-y. I’m sorry for their children, though.

In public, however, only rude beasts throw greetings back into someone’s face, or take offense if someone puts a symbol on their lawn. Or throws a hissy fit at the sight of a symbol anywhere, for that matter. Chill. We live in a country wherein most of the population likes to do “something” at this time of year. Take advantage and participate if you wish; don’t do anything about it if you wish. Just be nice. Everybody: just be nice. When someone greets you, say “thank you.” It’s easy.

Good manners are free. Let’s all take advantage of that!

Remember: easily offended people make good targets. Old as I am, I want to poke them with a stick. Don’t be that guy. Smile. Nobody’s trying to provoke you when they say dreadful abusive things like “Happy Hanukkah” or “Merry Christmas.” They’re just happy and are including you in their joy. Don’t be offended by “Happy Holidays,” either. This philosophy works both ways. Chill. Everybody. Chill.

What Your Child’s Teacher Wants For Christmas

Posted on December 14, 2015 by Jane GoodwinDecember 14, 2015

teacher mug, don't give teacher mugs, no mugs

NO. Please, no.

Mamacita says: Every year around this time, I like to re-run this little piece about choosing a gift for your children’s teachers. We really do appreciate anything and everything we receive from our kids and their families, but some things are appreciated a little more than others.

********************************************************************************

It’s time to be thinking about giving your child’s teacher a gift of appreciation, whether you or he/she believe in any kind of holiday or not. After all, this dedicated professional has spent more time with other people’s children than their parents have, and deserves some little something to show them you care.

Might I suggest – nay, command – that you NOT give your child’s teacher a candle, statue, t-shirt, mug, plaque, hankie, seasonal brooch, earrings (unless they’re actual jewelry), snowglobe, poster, book (unless you know for sure it’s one she/he really wants), toiletry (unless you know exactly what kind he/she likes) homemade goodies (however pinteresting they might be), or a framed picture of your child? Teachers have more than enough of that stuff, and we never really liked most of it in the first place. Trinkets are something that must either be displayed or packed away, and who has the space to do either? The third option will be explained later in this post.

I loved your children, but I didn’t want their pictures on my wall or dangling from my Christmas tree or sitting on my desk. Those spaces are for my own children.

gift card for teacher, perfect teacher gift

Yes, please. Oh dear lord, YES.

What your child’s teachers really want are gift cards to restaurants, stores, and cool educational websites. Your child’s teacher would genuinely appreciate some genuine appreciation. Teachers have very little spare time, and we often get home long after dark and don’t have either the time or energy to cook; gift cards to restaurants are really appreciated. The best educational toys are found online, and since science isn’t tested in most states yet, science toys would be met with grateful thanks of such sincere intensity that you might shed a few tears, yourself.

Teacher Appreciation certificates, good for merchandise, are also well-received. The simple act of letting a teacher know that he/she IS appreciated is really all we want, but a little swag added to it is nice, too.

I know it’s easy, heading to the Dollar Tree or WalMart or one of those overpriced classroom supply stores when it’s time to get a little something for Billy’s teacher, and anything sincerely given is sincerely appreciated. But if you want your child’s teacher to remember you forever as a parent who KNOWS, go for the science toys, Starbucks (make sure the teacher is a coffee drinker first) restaurant cards, and even a mall card, good for every store in the shopping center. If the teacher has young children herself/himself, fast food cards are a lifesaver; you know how much YOU appreciate having the wherewithal to run through the occasional drive-through, well, a teacher is just like you, except he/she has 30 children (200 if he/she is a secondary teacher) instead of three and less free time than . . . . well, you. If your kid is in secondary school, please don’t forget those teachers, too. Elementary teachers always rake in the loot, but junior high and high school teachers, who deal with hundreds of students each day, are often forgotten.

Amazon cards are lovely, too. Breathtakingly lovely.

Oh, and that third option, for dealing with the onslaught of the candles, picture frames, apple-shaped stuff, mugs, ornaments, and trinkets?

Summer yard sale. Do you really want to see the gift your child gave his/her teacher on the ten-cent-table?

Many teacher-gift-trinkets end up here.

But then, what would YOU do if you were given forty trinkets every year?

So, do what I tell you. Gift cards. Restaurant cards. Science toys. Certificates of appreciation/swag-of-choice.

Amazon card. iTunes. (Make sure the teacher uses iTunes first.)

Teachers are people, you know. Most of them are INTERESTING people. They have actual LIVES, lives that really don’t include ten thousand candles, statues, picture frames, and “World’s Best Teacher” mugs. They don’t really want more wax and ceramics, but they could really, really use some gifts that give them a little breather (coughcoughrestaurantcardcough), and useful things they can actually use at home or in the classroom.

Please include a positive, grateful note. That will be the best part. Those, we save.

P.S. Did I mention that your teacher already has enough mugs and lotion to start a shop? I did? Well, I”m mentioning it again.

P.P.S. Even if we already love you, your child, and the whole family, please be careful about bringing a teacher home-made edibles. We have allergies, too, or diets, or even just likes and dislikes. I hate to break it to you well-meaning, generous, lovely givers, but most homemade goodies end up in the wastebasket. All those adorable, crafty, homemade “favorite teacher” treats you’re seeing on Pinterest?

No. Thank you, and we appreciate the effort and we know you are appreciative, but. . . . no.

P.P.P.S. I’m mentioning gift cards again. Total coincidence.

P.P.P.P.S. One of the best gifts I ever got from a parent was a pair of razor-sharp fabulous fantastic marvelous Fiskar’s scissors. It was over twenty years ago, and I still thank that woman every time I run into her.

The Round Tuit: Things I Haven’t Done, Even Yet

Posted on November 13, 2015 by Jane GoodwinNovember 13, 2015

I’ll get around to it.

Mamacita says: Here are some more things I still haven’t done yet, but I’ll get a round tuit:

1. I have never been to Ikea.

2. I have never seen the movie “Titanic.”

3. I still have never watched a reality show, with the exception of the “Amy’s Baking Company” segment of Kitchen Nightmares, which I watched online because who could resist that huge a trainwreck?.

4. I have never been able to like many movies most other people adore, such as Mrs. Doubtfire, any of the Bridget Jones films, or A Christmas Story.

5. I have yet to find a film re-make that holds a candle to the original.

6. I’m not sure I will ever be able to accept the demise of the big traditional department store with any semblance of grace. Gimbel’s. Hudson’s. FAO Schwartz. Lazarus. Wasson’s. Filene’s. The May Company. Block’s. Ayres. Marshall Field’s. And all the others. The huge department store was a microcosmic city unto itself, complete with tea rooms.

7. I still haven’t developed the strength of mind to sit through a genuinely scary movie or book. I just can’t do frightening, overly suspenseful, bloody, gory stuff. Not on the big screen, not on TV, not in books. . . .

8. I have never learned to like sushi. It just looks too much like bait.

Sushi or bait?

9. I still haven’t used an ATM machine, except when I was following directions from a passenger in my car who needed to withdraw some money. I understand having money in an account is necessary before one tries to withdraw any. Always a catch.

10. I have never had a dog of my own. This never concerned me until I started seeing all those adorable dog pictures and videos on Facebook. Fortunately, there are just as many adorable cat pictures and videos.

This Is Hallowe’en

Posted on October 30, 2015 by Jane GoodwinOctober 30, 2015

Mamacita says: It’s Hallowe’en! I’m diabetic so I can’t safely eat any kind of candy but I’m a sucker – not for suckers, unless I’m in the French Lick office with Carol and we’re seeing how many licks it takes to completely expose the chocolatey center of a Tootsie Roll Pop – but for Snickers and Mounds and Almond Joys and Three Musketeers. This is why I buy other kinds of candy for the Trick-Or-Treating children who come to the door. I don’t give out health food or carrot sticks or raisins because I am not an evil child-hating sadist, but I don’t give out candy I personally like. It’s strictly a health thing. Strictly. Oh, hush.

This isn’t Hallowe’en; this is paraffin. Candy corn – yuck!

There are a lot of great Hallowe’en movies out there, too. The Nightmare Before Christmas is one of my favorites.

Jack and Sally from “The Nightmare Before Christmas”

Oh, and THIS IS HALLOWE’EN!

In case you are wondering, the word “Hallowe’en” is SUPPOSED to have an apostrophe in it. It’s an old spelling, but I like it so I use it. I think you should, too. It would help us all remember what the word actually means.

Fie on you know-nothings who assume Hallowe’en is a satanic holiday. Please do some research on your own before you succumb to someone else’s unresearched beliefs. Pffff.

I learned about this from the literature book my mother used when she was in the third grade. I loved that book as a child, and I still do. Wonder of wonders – and oh MY, how veddy, veddy politically incorrect – that book contained actual, honest-to-pete LITERATURE! Yes, actual literature, not those stupid, insipid, limited-vocabulary travesties some teachers call “literature;” heck, I wouldn’t even call that stuff “stories.” It’s most certainly not literature.

But that third grade book had excerpts from Peter Pan, and Les Miserables, and Little House in the Big Woods, all unabridged.. That little schoolbook is why I ran to the library to get and read those novels when I was in lower elementary school.

Back then, schoolbooks were purchased, not rented, and Mom loved that book so much, she kept it, and re-read it many times. Once I learned to read, so did I.

I don’t think I ever had a Language Arts book I liked well enough to want to keep, even if it had been permitted. Watered-down abridgements are the devil, and I mean that in a truly satanic way. And you really don’t want to get me started on “limited vocabulary” selections. Kids learn new words by exposure to new words. No exposure = no new words added to one’s vocabulary.

No wonder so many of our kids today aren’t interested in reading for pleasure. Our schools don’t give them anything worth reading. Some of them graduate – or don’t – without ever having been exposed to a single interesting, challenging thing worth reading.

And this from someone who actually liked Silas Marner.

We seldom carve turnips these days, but pumpkins are versatile and fun, aren’t they. Don’t forget to toast the seeds. Oh, and are you still carving pumpkin faces the usual way? Amateurs.. .

Watch Steve Spangler carve a jack-o-lantern. (Another word with an interesting etymology. . . .)

Steve Spangler knows how to knock your socks off, if you’re wearing socks. If you’re not, his stuff will curl your toes. If you have no toes, well, I cried because I had no shoes.

If you go thou and do likewise, don’t forget your goggles.

I hope to see you and your kids Halloween night. My house is the one that’s wailing. If strobes give you seizures, you might want to skip my house and go on to the plain quiet house next door. However, they’re giving out Smarties and I’ve got the good stuff and vampire teeth. Your call.

Also: the young hot Tim Curry as Dr. Frank N. Furter. Be still my heart.

Tim Curry as Dr. Frank N. Furter makes Hallowe’en complete for me.

Quote

Forbidden Fruit

Posted on October 3, 2015 by Jane GoodwinOctober 3, 2015

Forbidden fruit by any other name. . . .

Mamacita says: There are all kinds of forbidden fruit, you know. When I was in high school, our public library had a waiting list for The Canterbury Tales. Can you imagine? The Canterbury Tales! Do you know why?

Because we were forbidden to read it in its entirety in school. It was too racy. Unquote. Not all of it, of course. Some of it was in our literature anthology – just not the good parts. “I do not want to see any of you students with this unabridged book in your possession. If I do, it will be confiscated at once, and your parents notified.” Challenge accepted, school. Everybody loves forbidden fruit. The Miller and the senior class spent some time together after that; the first time we read it, we couldn’t believe it. It took two or three readings to comprehend what was going on. If you don’t know, you need to read it, too. “The Miller’s Tale.” Raciness is nothing new.

Between “The Miller’s Tale” and “The Song of Solomon,” my teen years were full of hormones….

There was also a waiting list for “Flowers for Algernon” and “Catcher in the Rye.”

The only reason I read those, and many others, as a kid, was because the school forbade it. We were given a list of forbidden books every year, and we had to sign a pledge promising that we would NOT read these dirty books. Every year, the administration turned legitimate literature into forbidden fruit

If they were really smart, they would have given us a list of books they WANTED us to read and told us they were forbidden.

Stupid schools.

And then there was my church. . . .they liked to participate in book banning, too.

Holy rolling

We were forbidden to read the “Song of Solomon” in Baptist Youth Group. That’s why we took flashlights to church and read it in the dark basement – we were driven to it. There’s really not a lot of difference, plot-wise, between “The Miller’s Tale” from The Canterbury Tales, and “The Song of Solomon” from the Holy Bible. Both chapters are graphic – really graphic. One is graphically vulgar and the other is graphically lovely, but when you’re a teenager, graphics is graphics. The intentions may have differed, but the activities were much the same.

There may also have been some serious making out going on down in that gloomy church basement; the braver kids took turns reading Solomon out loud, but we shyer kids were too scared we’d get caught, and read it to ourselves. A Bible with a bookmark in “The Song of Solomon” was enough to get a girl grounded back then.