Speeders, Texters, and Other Potential Highway Murderers
Mamacita says: All right, already, I’ll drive a little faster. Sheesh.
But I know good and well who’s going to get pulled over, even with all the other drivers in the world going around me at a hundred miles an hour.
Everybody I know has a leadfoot except for me.
Sometimes I think the anecdotes are right, and the only people who get tickets are the ones who actually pull over when the flashing lights start up behind them. The police see a big batch of speeders, turn on the lights and the siren, and take a chance. Some timid law-abiding soul will always pull over, the rest speed on out of sight, and the one intimidated driver will get a ticket. And he deserves a ticket, for he was SPEEDING.
Oh, were you looking for sympathy? Wrong blog, Ignatz.
Item: I have never gotten a traffic ticket.
Unless you count the one I got about 25 years ago for having an expired inspection sticker, which I never paid because when I went to the courthouse and stood in line for over an hour to pay it, I couldn’t pay it because the courthouse wouldn’t accept a check, so I went to the bank and stood in line for a long time and got some cash, and came back to the courthouse and stood in line for another hour, and when I got to the desk I STILL couldn’t pay it because the policeman hadn’t turned it in yet, so I wrote a letter of protest which was never acknowledged, and I still haven’t paid the fine and so far so good. . . . .
And it cost me ten bucks for a sitter for my two babies so I could stand in lines and still not pay my fine. Not that I remember details like that or anything.
I do tend to be a very cautious driver, though. School buses pass me all the time.
SPEEDING school buses.
Which by all laws of logic and safety should have seat belts, but which by all laws of money-saving and convenience-of-school-system never will.
I go 55, when that’s the limit, and I’ll go 60, if that’s the limit. Whatever the posted limit is, that’s what I’ll go. No faster. I won’t go faster than the posted limit, because there’s a reason for that limit. My kids think I’m a poky driver, but I don’t think going the posted speed limit is being poky. I think going faster than the posted speed limit is breaking the law and purposefully endangering every innocent person within sight of your blurry fast-moving vehicle.
Therefore, I go the limit. If you’re trapped behind me, read the speed limit sign and stop tailing me. And stop honking, you ignorant, lead-footed goose.
Also? If you get pulled over for going 65 in a 55, too bad. You broke the law, and I really don’t care how late you are or how badly you want to get home.
If your personal driving habits harm my children in ANY way, I will find you.
I’m talking to you, speeders, and to you, driving texters and cell phone users.
Oh, and if you get pulled over for exceeding the posted speed limit, shut up about it. You, of your own free will and choice, broke the law. Let the natural consequences of your chosen actions wreak havoc on your head. That’s a darn sight better than your choices wreaking havoc on anybody else’s head.
(If a posted speed limit seems poky to you, too bad. Read the signs and don’t whine if you’re caught.)
Are you a speeder? I hope you all get caught and fined. Yes, I really do. My children’s safety is far more important than any personal convenience or habit you might have.
And if you’re going really fast on the curvy meandering roads around here, I hope you don’t have any innocent children in your car. Because if you do, you’re a potential murderer.
I’m not kidding.
It's Not My Fault. Pay Me.
Mamacita says: I first saw this cartoon a few years ago when I was thin and I thought it was funny.
Of course, I didn’t know then that it wasn’t a cartoon at all, but an actual documented photo of evil recurring entities, plotting to destroy the self-esteem of a lady who looks a lot like me and who is really very nice unless you piss her off.
Years ago, I gave in to them then out of pain and frustration and nasty medications that invited these entities to take up residence without even feeding them, but this time? I’m going to win.
Example: There were doughnuts in the lounge today at the college, but I didn’t touch them. Of course, I am not all that fond of doughnuts but even so.
Thank goodness there wasn’t a big bowl of M&M’s in the lounge. I’d be defeated instantly.
Plain or peanut: I’m not particular in my obsession for them. Obsession, I’m telling you.
It’s not my fault. I should be getting government money, in fact. It’s nothing that can be controlled by any normal means. It’s a disability.
I have OCM&MD.*
I’d stop if I could. Don’t let them near me. It’s not my fault. Pay me.
*Obsessive/Compulsive M&M Disorder
Then and Now: What A Difference A Word Makes!
Mamacita says: I love grammar. I love the logic of it. I love how there is a name and purpose for each word in a sentence. I love how it takes a little intellect to put a good sentence together. I love the almost mathematical precision of a good sentence, coupled with the brilliance of imagination and personality. A good sentence is science, plain and simple. A good sentence is composed via a formula that, when followed, creates an artistic thought that can be seen by others besides ourselves.
The action or linking part of that sentence is the verb.
But just how important can a verb be? I mean, if it were so important to choose verbs carefully, why do most of them have a million synonyms, thank you very much Mr. Roget. Just find a verb that describes the action you need to describe and that’s it, right? One’s as good as another. They’re only verbs, after all. How could it be any kind of big deal which one you pick?
Well, kids, I’ll tell ya. And please remember that all words have a denotative meaning (dictionary definition) and a connotative meaning (what your mind does with the denotation, ie “fat” is somehow fatter than “plump,” etc.)
Let’s use a couple of common verbs for examples: STOP and BLOCK.
Denotatively speaking (see above) these two words are almost identical. In a thesaurus, their synonyms overlap.
Thesaurus entry for “stop” and for “block:”
Main Entry: stop
Part of Speech: verb
Synonyms: arrest, avoid, bar, block, bottle up, break, can, check, choke, choke off, clog, close, congest, cut off, disrupt, fill, fix, forestall, frustrate, gag, hinder, hold back, hush hush, ice, impede, intercept, interrupt, muzzle, obstruct, occlude, plug, rein in, repress, restrain, seal, shut down, shut off, shut out, silence, stall, staunch, stay, stem, still, stopper, suspend, throw over, turn off, ward off
Main Entry: block
Part of Speech: verb
Synonyms: arrest, bar, barricade, block out, blockade, brake, bung up, catch, charge, check, choke, clog, close, close off, close out, congest, cut off, dam, deter, fill, halt, hang up*, hinder, hold up, impede, intercept, interfere, occlude, plug, prevent, shut off*, shut out, stall, stonewall, stop, stop up*, stopper, stymie, tackle, thwart
And these two fraternal twins differ. . . . how?
Like this:
Back in the day, when I wore shorts and began my descent from the car in a public place, I could stop traffic.
Now, that same action would block traffic.
Any questions?
