Stuff People Say To Teachers
Mamacita says: I only wish I could include the really great stuff, but until some people are dead, that wouldn’t be appropriate. And you all know me: ever appropriate. Then again, if they continue to annoy me, I might even post pics.
From students:
Does this count?
Will this be on the test?
How will I ever use this in real life? (Actually, I love and welcome this question!)
Will this go on my grade?
How many points do I have to get to pass?
How many questions do I have to answer to pass?
You’re going to drop my lowest grades, right?
Can I turn this in next week instead of tomorrow?
I’m having a bad week; can I take a pass on this?
If I bring a note from my mom/doctor/neighbor/lawyer/random friend, can my absence be excused?
I’m going to Cancun the week before spring break; that’s cool, right?
Can I have a list of everything I missed while I was in Cancun?
I’m too upset to deal with this today; I’ll do it next time, ‘k?
I’m just not in the mood for learning stuff right now.
I didn’t have time to do the reading/writing/research.
How about my spray tan, right?
I brought you a sea shell from Cancun; anything happen while I was out?
Are we doing anything in class today?
Are we doing anything interesting/important/worth my time today?
Can you tell me which week would be best for me to miss for vacation? Spring Break comes too late/early to do me any good.
Can’t you just give me the two points? TWO POINTS, man!
I can’t play ball tomorrow night because of you!
This class is unreasonably hard; NOBODY is passing. (Everybody is passing but you.)
Why are you failing me?
What’s my grade?
How am I doing in this class?
Were we supposed to keep our returned papers? Oops.
We have a syllabus? Is there anything important on it?
I don’t have time to check my school email every day! (On Facebook 24/7)
How am I supposed to know what to bring to class every day? (book)
Just a minute; I’m updating my status.
Just a minute; I’m harvesting my pink roses.
Just a minute; I have to pin something.
Hold on; I’m talking to someone online.
I don’t believe in homework.
How can one test change my grade like that?
Where can I find my grades? (semester almost over)
We had homework?
Can you look over these essays before I turn them in?
Mom says not to count me tardy because it was her fault.
Here’s a note from my mom excusing me from homework because we had company.
Mom says to tell you I’ll turn in my work after the weekend instead of today.
Mom says I’m excused from today’s test and that I’ll take it later.
My mom wants you to call her tonight.
My mom wants you to email her every day.
My mom wants you to write down my assignments every day.
My mom thinks you make me work too hard.
My mom says you should be home at 7:00 tonight so she can call you.
My mom says you just don’t like cheerleaders.
But I can’t do this tonight – there’s a big game tomorrow!
I have to leave class early.
Why are you messing up my financial aid?
I was in class most of the time; I should get a pass for that!
I’m paying for this class, so I can skip if I want without penalty!
You’re working for me, you know.
I need to take this call.
I need to take this call, too.
I need to reply to this text.
I need to reply to this text, too.
I absolutely refuse to turn off my phone during the test.
Whass rong wit my grammerz?
You got a pencil I kin use?
I don’t got my books yet. (semester almost over)
When is this class over?
Oh, was I late?
Let me sum up: Everything I say, do, need, or think is excused/supplied/rationalized, right? No obligations on my part whatsoever.
From Parents:
Can’t you make an exception for my child?
How can you live with yourself after benching my son?
Why are you failing my child?
We’re taking the kids out of school for two weeks to go to Cancun. Please give me a list of everything they’ll be missing.
I hope you’re happy now that you’ve made my child miss the big game.
I hope you’re satisfied.
Billy gets his math anxiety from me; I hated math, too.
Billy is just like his dad; neither of them can spell “cat!”
Like I tell the kids every night, some teachers just aren’t very interesting.
Billy is very sensitive and mustn’t be required to do anything that upsets him.
Billy has anger management problems; please don’t ask him to participate or work.
Please remove everything from your classroom walls; Billy is easily overstimulated.
I took the liberty of re-arranging your classroom so Billy would be more relaxed.
I told Billy not to worry about your assignments; his father and I will see to it that he passes.
Your assignment goes against our family’s belief system, so Billy won’t be doing it.
Your assignment is too hard for Billy, so he won’t be doing it.
We told Billy he could choose five words from your list of 20. He’ll be getting the same evaluation, too, we are assuming.
Our Billy just isn’t a speller, so we told him he didn’t have to take the test.
Our Billy has trouble with writing, so we told him he didn’t have to do your assignment.
Our Billy was extra tired last night, so we told him he didn’t have to do his homework.
Our Billy was up late last night, so we told him he didn’t have to come to school until noon. What did he miss in your class?
We had a church function last night that lasted until almost ten, so we told Billy not to worry about your class today.
Billy and Bobby are twins, so we will insist that whatever Billy gets, Bobby gets, too.
Our child would NEVER do that.
Our child would never say that.
Our child is NOT a bully.
Our child is a sweet, innocent little boy.
I see no reason why our 7-year-old Bonnie shouldn’t wear pants with “juicy” across the rear if all her friends have them.
Cheerleading is the most important thing on earth to our child right now, and your class WILL NOT do anything to endanger that.
Sports are Billy’s priority right now. I’m sure you understand.
Billy will be getting an athletic scholarship, so we’ve told him not to worry about his academic classes.
My brother-in-law is on the school board.
We’ll need you to be in your classroom at 5:15 p.m. for a meeting.
I hoped I’d find you here before class started! Can we talk for a minute?
I’m sure you don’t mind eating your lunch in your classroom so we can talk.
Billy says you told him his answer was incorrect. Is that true?
Billy says his free speech was challenged; is that true?
Billy’s jackknife was confiscated; I’d like it back NOW.
How dare you jeopardize Billy’s self esteem by expecting work out of him?
You do understand that you’re a public SERVANT, right?
You will see to it that Billy passes this class, you hear me?
And the good stuff?
When students work hard, when parents encourage and require that, and when both say please & thank you. This is important even YEARS later.
To these parents, teachers all over the sentient universe thank you from the bottoms of their hearts.
==
Teachers are not perfect, but then again, neither are parents. Many teachers ARE parents; we understand. Really, we do. We also understand that good parents back off and make the student do the work. And all the lessons aren’t about the subject.
The job of the student is to show up, work hard, think out of the box, challenge the status quo, behave, be nice, be respectful, and be responsible for his/her own actions and other responsibilities.
The job of the teacher is to help the student understand how to do/be all those things and more. Good teachers know that the ability to make connections is one of the main keys to learning.
The job of the parent is to stand by the student, support and nurture him/her, and step back. The stepping back is the most important, and the hardest.
A person of pretty much any age who has never been expected to reap the consequences of his/her own actions is not an educated person, or even a person fit or worthy to fulfill his/her own destiny. A parent who holds an umbrella over a child’s head so those consequences don’t hit him/her is not doing a good job of parenting. And the best teacher in the universe, faced with a classroom full of brick walls, bred by brick walls, or full of insulated, over-protected babies hovered over by whirring, interfering helicopters, or populated by kids who expect exceptions, gifts, and unearned privileges, is going to be gridlocked, foiled, and barred from doing his/her best with these poor kids. Oh, and evaluated poorly because of it, too.
Learning is not supposed to be easy. It never was supposed to be easy. It requires WORK, and if a student isn’t willing to work, and if his/her parents aren’t willing to require the student to work, stuff ain’t happening.
Now, let us all open our dictionaries and look up “lazy.”
P.S. I’ve actually had parents tell me to “dumb down” things so their kid won’t have to work hard to learn it. Did I mention up there that genuine learning isn’t supposed to be easy? When it is, that’s great! But not everything important is easy! In fact, few important things are!
P.P.S. Do these people annoy me? Oh, heck, no. I love idiots.
P.P.P.S. That last comment up there? It was a lie.
I once had an 8th grader who mother was in our building constantly. She dropped her off in the morning, came inside with her, helped her organize her backpack, and stood in the hall watching for an hour or more. She came back at lunch and ate with her darling. She was in the building again a good hour before the end of the day, waiting by her daughter’s locker with a look of almost scary longing on her face. When the last bell rang, this woman was so glad to see her child that she clapped her hands and jumped up and down. She helped the child unload her backpack and re-load it for the evening. Then she and the child went from classroom to classroom, asking the teachers for a recap on the day’s lessons and all the homework assignments. Y’all really don’t need to know the nickname we gave this mother.
This was a 14-year-old student, of normal intelligence and social skills. The humiliation kicked in after a couple of months, but Mommy came, anyway. When the girl started refusing to leave the cafeteria table where she was sitting with her friends, Mommy started eating with the teachers.
The saddest thing of all? She wasn’t the only parent doing stuff like this. And when we tried to tell them it was inappropriate, we were told that if we objected, it must be because we didn’t WANT parents to know what was going on. And it was, yes, said in THAT tone of voice.
Yeah, I was so upset, I almost dropped my vial of goat blood.
Also? I might be in a mood tonight.
What Makes A Good Principal/Administrator?
Mamacita says: Most schools are in their last couple of months now, so I thought maybe it was time to post this again, in case a community is in the market for a new principal for next fall. If any teacher or parent has more ideas to add to this “list,” I’d appreciate hearing them. Comment away!
What are the qualities of a good principal? I’ve never had one, but here is what I wish I’d had:
I do not need my principal to be a mentor. I need a principal who understands what kids do in a classroom on a daily basis, because a person who has never been there would have a hard time believing some of them.
I need a principal who is not a good ol’ boy.
I need a principal who knows for a fact that occasionally, a parent can be a moron. And who isn’t afraid to stand up to them, no matter how rich or influential the family might be. And who will work just as hard for a poor non-political family who can’t ‘do anything’ for him socially.
I need a principal who is not afraid to mete out consequences to any kid who chooses to break or disregard the rules. He/she should also have the ability to know when rules SHOULD be broken or disregarded.
A good principal is very visible. He/she doesn’t hole up in the office all day.
A good principal doesn’t have two or three cronies in the building who get all the perks. He/she will make bloody sure that both the pleasant and the unpleasant duties are equally shared.
He/she will treat the secretary as an equal, and not condescend to the janitors.
However, he/she will require that the janitors do their job, which includes cleaning up vomit and poop. And if the janitor can’t lift, carry, and clean, then that janitor must go, even if the janitor is the son of someone important in the system. He will require the secretary to keep current with computer software, etc. A secretary who won’t use anything but a typewriter has to go. A janitor who won’t do poop and vomit must go. A counselor who won’t do sex and friendship spats must go.
A good principal doesn’t give a rat’s ass about petty politics.
A good principal will not allow any of his/her teachers to be bullied by a parent, under any circumstances.
A good principal will not allow bullying in the building, even if the bully is the son/daughter of a friend or the corporation superintendent or the mayor.
A good principal will not let athletic functions override the academic intention of the school.
A good principal will enforce the “no pass, no play” rules. Consistently, and it doesn’t matter if a tournament is coming up.
A good principal is frequently seen around the hallways, occasionally drops in to observe a class, in the cafeteria during the students’ lunchtime, and at the door during bus loading.
In most other ways, a good principal is invisible. But when he/she is needed, he/she is there in a jiffy and will whisk any troublemakers away from the scene and scare the shit out of them with quiet dignity and the aura of ‘things to come.’
A good principal never yells, nor does he/she ‘get down on the students’ level’ with teenie-bopper slang and attempts to be cool.
A good principal will support his/her teachers in every way, until such time as the teacher (in private) must be advised about procedure, conduct, etc.
A good principal will not assume that classroom disruptions are the result of poor teaching. He/she will fully support the removal of any consistent disrupting force in the classroom.
A good principal will find out the facts before making any kind of assumption, and especially before putting any kind of negative note in a teacher’s file.
A good principal does not immediately assume that gossip is truth.
A good principal knows from first-hand experience exactly what shennanigans a student is capable of, and does not act surprised and disgusted AT THE TEACHER when a student displays such shennanigans.
A good principal never says “Now, now, I find that hard to believe” to a teacher or any adult in his building, for that matter.
A good principal understand social media, and isn’t frightened when his teachers and students use it. He/she is VERY tech-savvy, and expects ALL of his/her teachers to be likewise. Tech is no longer an option; it’s absolutely necessary in order to function in the 21st century. Good principals know that any administrators or instructors who choose not to update their skills are dinosaurs.
And no, a principal is not an ‘instructional leader.’ A principal is a ‘facilitator,’ a ‘director,’ a ‘manager,’ a ‘backup,’ and a person to whom a teacher must feel free to consult when things go wrong, and to share the good things with, too, and know that he/she will be ABLE to rejoice or help fix any kind of tidings.
Teachers are ‘mentors’ to each other. The principal’s job is to run the school in a business and intermediary sense. To do so requires in-depth knowledge of the workings of a real classroom, not a textbook classroom, and not the classroom of a seminar leader’s youth.
Good principals are there before anyone else, and are the last ones to leave. They attend concerts and plays, not just ball games.
They’re like a good bra. You need one, you’d like to have an attractive one, but ultimately, you want one that supports and lifts you up.
If You Didn't Earn It, You Don't Deserve It
Mamacita says: The world is so full of lovely, kind, honest people. Seriously, I agree with Anne Frank, who said, “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”
How is it that in a world full of decent people, so many indecent and horrible people are able to rise to such levels of power and popularity?
Our kids can tell you the name of Britney’s fourth nanny’s dog, and match all the “couples” on Glee, but they can’t give you the name of a living scientist.
Many sports enthusiasts can tell you what Lou Gehrig’s stats were on any given date, but they can’t tell you the name of the disease that killed him, and they don’t know why he considered himself “. . . the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”
Small children can sing every word to songs with lyrics that would have gotten us expelled from grade school, but they don’t know the lyrics to the National Anthem.
People of any age can tell you all about their “rights,” but many of them know (and care) NOTHING about their responsibilities.
People such as the Brangelinas make shacking up and having illegitimate babies seem not only respectable, but desirable, and our young people are falling for it.
Athletes are cool, and Nerds are just geeky, even though just a few years down the line, those athletes will probably end up working for the nerds. Or wishing they could.
I believe that those in authority WANT us to believe that shallow people and things are important, and that people and things that really ARE important are embarrassing and trivial. This mindset enables the power-hungry to draw more and more weak-minded people into their belief system.
Book that makes one think and question and wonder? DANGEROUS TO OUR BELIEF SYSTEM! Which means, of course, that the belief system is so shaky that a simple question from a child will topple it. Or, even worse, require someone who is entrenched and comfortable to fear that the cocoon will be opened and a ray of (shudder) unfamiliar light might shine down upon it, revealing things as they actually are.
A ship in port is safe, but that’s not what ships are made for. –Grace Murray Hopper
Administrations that consider the score on a standardized test to be the end and all of what education is, are sadly mistaken and even purposely ignorant. IGNORANT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE. I believe in passing tests, but it’s the knowledge base that’s important, not the ability to bubble on paper with a #2 pencil within a certain time allotment.
We’ve even got TEACHERS (They’re not educators!!!) who don’t think a knowledge of the “basics” is important. How can anyone learn the cool stuff if they don’t have a knowledge base to make the connections with? They can’t; that’s what.
A child with knowledge of basic prefixes, suffixes, and roots will be able to learn new words by himself/herself. A child with knowledge of basic Greek and Roman mythology will be able to see connections between the night sky and NASA and fairy tales and modern literature and science. A child with a vast storehouse of nursery rhymes will be able to learn history faster and more thoroughly, again because of the connections. And I’m NOT talking about those dreadful, disgraceful, watered-down, politically-correct versions of poems and stories – those are crap.
An echo is not original. Good scores are not the intention of education. Good scores are nice, of course, but a monkey with a pencil can get a good score if it is given enough chances, simply through trial and error and the process of elimination.
Many kids today refuse to do chores or work at anything unless there is an immediate reward dangled before their dazzled eyes. “Raise your math grade a whole letter and you’ll get that Wii you’ve been wanting.” What happened to “Do your best and we’ll all be so proud of you!”
Like, “Where’s my candy, man?”
Teachers are told, with more than a hint of threat, to make sure the athletes pass so they can play in the game Friday night. Athletes are no longer representatives of a proud educational system; they are a source of revenue and often pawns in the power -play between stupid parents and equally stupid administrations. Good parents will encourage sportsmanship and good grades and excellent citizenship, and good parents understand that in a perfect world, nobody would represent the school and community on any kind of playing field without all three. It’s the bad parents who insist that their kid be a starter even though he’s failing math and English and hasn’t turned in any science homework since the first week of school. Why should he? He knows he’s going to get anything he wants anyway; Daddy and Mommy will see to it. Self esteem rules.
I will never understand why so many parents don’t see that self-esteem is something to be EARNED. It can’t be given. Any kid understands this; why can’t adults? Trophies for showing up are ridiculous. I’ve heard kids laughing in the restrooms, year after year, over the beaming adults in an audience, ecstatic because their kid got a trophy for the two points he made in that one game. A TROPHY! I am not speaking of special olympics; I’m talking about the regular stuff.
When a kid can get a limo ride and a free lunch for not hurting anybody for three days in a row, why should any kid try hard? Good kids don’t generally get ANYTHING! It seems to be the bad kids who are catered to and rewarded for bringing a pencil, or not drawing blood for a whole day. Self esteem? The self-esteem of our good kids is going down every day, because we don’t have time to give them any attention. They’re well-behaved and working, and we just don’t have time to tell them how much we appreciate them because we’re too busy breaking up yet another fight between the same kids who do this on a daily basis and can’t be kicked out for whatever reason the law or community or parents have decided to apply. And if a nice kid tries to defend himself/herself, they’re punished for it. Bah.
Schools are not set up for kids who really, really love learning. Schools are set up to cater to the lowest common denominator. Kids who love Ravel? Say what? Kids who talk in street code and don’t even know how to speak any language fluently? Oh YEAH.
Kids who love science? Sorry, that’s not being tested this year so we’re not offering it. We’ll put you in this developmental reading class so you can help the teacher tutor the freshmen who still can’t read but who have been promoted yearly anyway. Have a nice year.
Did you know that in many systems, a failing kid can sign up to take the AP test, fail it, but still get an honors diploma? For showing up?
People who have power have changed our educational system until it’s become this way. How did we let it happen? Kind, decent, intelligent, hard-working people are the majority, and yet, they seem to have no say whatsoever in how things are being run.
I don’t get it.
No Child Left Behind? Ain’t gonna happen. And why is that? I can tell you why.
A lot of children WANT to be left behind. They don’t care, and neither do their parents. Our families failed long before our schools did. Contrary to what many people believe, learning is NOT up to the teacher; it’s the child’s responsibility. It’s easier with a good teacher, but it’s still up to the student to do or not do, listen or not listen, etc. And if the best teacher in the universe is talking to a brick wall, bred by two brick walls, not much is going to happen. And guess who is blamed?
I think we should try as hard as we can to help all children, but that we should concentrate on the ones who WANT to learn. And with those children, we should give every drop of life’s blood that we have. Otherwise, the next time your kid’s history book is revised, the new edition will have a chapter about Britney and Lindsey and Paris, and their contribution to our culture. (For those few who bothered to learn how to read.)
Inventors. Doctors. Philanthropists. Missionaries. Neighbors. Parents. Mathematicians. Decent role models. Kind, generous people. Discoverers. Good teachers. Athletes who can REALLY do it. (not the ones who can’t do it without drugs, etc.) Men and women who don’t leave when a better deal comes along. People with integrity. People with a moral compass. Ministers. (Preachers gross me out) Hard workers. Authors. Poets. Scientists. Storekeepers. Masons. Construction workers. People with what it takes to keep it in (or out of) their pants. Etc.
These used to be our children’s role models. How did we allow it all to change? Because, you know, it couldn’t have changed this completely without the complete cooperation and approval of an awful lot of people, whether they did it consciously or not.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think Britney is going to tell us all about how she turned her drug-battered body back into a muscle machine and decided it was fun, after all, to be a mother to her two very confused little sons. This week, anyway. Stay tuned.
I can’t wait. It’s IMPORTANT.
I will always agree with Anne Frank, but it does get more difficult every day.
