Scheiss Weekly

Well, by now you all know me pretty well, and you know that I love kids. I love my kids, and I love your kids.  I also love most of you, and because I love most people, I made sure my own kids knew how to behave in public so you would not be inconvenienced, and I fully expect YOUR kids to know how, too.  And, I expect you to make damn sure your kids DO behave in public.  That’s our job as parents. (Note:  I am not speaking about special cases, so don’t put “intentions” in this post.)  (Don’t DARE make that assumption about me, in fact.)

So anywayS <—purposeful hilljack error– I bet you expected me to say something about the stupid whiny entitled poor beseiged mother and her obnoxious screaming brat sweet, typical little boy who were thrown off a Southwest flight.

I think Southwest did the right thing.  Shhh, can you hear the universe applauding?

I flew Southwest Airlines a few weeks ago, and loved every minute of that flight!

The flight attendants sang to us, and told jokes almost all the way there and back.  The pilots even joked with us via the loudspeaker.  It was the most pleasant flight I’ve ever experienced.  Heck, it was almost like being on the Tonight Show.  It was a riot.  It was like being in a comedy club.  I LOVED IT!

A group of strangers can bond quickly when the personality combinations click, and I’ve never had such a good time with friends-who-pass-in-the-night!

On the return trip, there was a restless child, but I wouldn’t call him undisciplined; he was just disoriented, hungry, and exhausted.  He attempted to melt down as we were waiting to take off, but a “look” from his mother apparently reminded him of the  inevitable consequences of melting down in public, and he reigned himself in.  His very prepared mother gave him gum during takeoff, which was apparently quite a treat, and when she held out her hand for it when the ascent was over, he obeyed her at once and gave her the gum.  Once in a while he would get a little loud, and she would say, “Now, what are the airplane rules, Jared?”  And he would tell her.  “Sit in my seat, don’t be loud, obey the airplane people as well as Mommy, remember that I am a guest, and make Mommy proud.”    It was obvious that he’d been well taught, and it was also obvious that this kid knew and understood consequences.  Every time he recited the “rules,” the other passengers would applaud him.  The only thing missing was an obnoxious kid across the aisle who would have to watch this sweet kid get rewarded big time while going without, himself.  I do love praising and rewarding good kids in front of bad kids.

His mother had brought a few books, a little cd player, some crayons, and a coloring book for him, but all he really wanted were his crayons and coloring book, and an occasional bite of cookie.  He had a water bottle, too.  He did have to go to the bathroom a lot, but he was quiet about it, and since his mother had requested seats right beside the restroom, he could go by himself – it was about three steps from his seat and she could see him every second.  We all appreciated her asking for those seats; she knew he had to “go” frequently, and had planned her trip accordingly.  For a three-year-old, he was one awesome little kid.

It’s all in the planning ahead.  It’s also all in the requiring proper behavior from everyone of any age wherever that person might be – up in the sky or down on the ground.

The flight attendants were crazy about this little boy, and spent a lot of time talking to him.  His good manners were very attractive. He told us that ‘if I behave myself, I’ll get a reward when we get off the plane!”

I salute Southwest for being so kind to this little boy and his mother; they were traveling alone, and from the items in her bag, I don’t think she had much money to spare.  No matter – her son had been taught to appreciate what he got.  The attendants brought him an apple and a banana, and some pudding cups.  He munched cookies and drank water, colored, walked back and forth to the bathroom, and talked a blue streak – but not loudly – to everyone who said “hello there” to him.  Delightful.  After about an hour and a half, he fell asleep and didn’t wake up until we were getting ready to descend.  One more bathroom trek, and he was again belted in and given gum.  The sensation frightened him a little, but he leaned his head against his mother’s arm, chewed his gum frantically, and maintained his lovely behavior.  As soon as they got off the plane, they headed for the McDonald’s in the food court – it was apparently the “reward for good behavior” he’d been promised.  He was ecstatic about it.

I love Southwest.  I love their policies.

Fat people have to buy two tickets, and rightfully so.  All airlines should require that.  It’s awful to be stuck in a seat beside a fat person whose ass is tresspassing on the seat YOU paid for, and who puts the armrest up because there’s no place for it because he/she is taking up all of his/her paid-for space as well as yours and the guy’s on his/her other side.  Unfair, unfair, unfair.    With Southwest, every passenger has to pay for all seats he/she is sitting on.  To which I say, AMEN.

On my first flight, there was a big group of drunks who had apparently begun partying early so they wouldn’t have to start fresh in Vegas.  They protested indignantly when told they would NOT be served more liquor on their flight; the pilot came out and  made this very clear.  We all applauded his speech, which made the drunks angrier, but at least they were smart enough to know when they were outnumbered.  Seriously, I think this group of passengers would have cheerfully thrown any obnoxious people out the emergency doors and called it community service.  Which it would have been.

I could not help comparing my Southwest experience with the articles about the child whose behavior was so obnoxious that he and his mother were kicked off the plane.  Bloggers are divided, of course;  and even someone like me checked out the details before going public with an opinion.

And here it is:  Bravo, Southwest.

And shame on the mother for daring to be indignant at Southwest.

As a passenger, I appreciate considerate, well-behaved people, and I fully expect everyone on an airplane to be so.  Those who are not, have no business inflicting themselves on others up in the sky where there is no escape from it. I’ve experienced obnoxious entitled old people, too; in fact, I’d rather sit by a loud child than a loud adult.  I also had a memorable flight once beside an old woman who was so certain we would crash that she could not control her crying and her constant grabbing at me.  She also puked her way through about seven bags.  Lovely.

My point?  Behave yourself or get off the plane.  The little boy on my flight was three years old, and behaved so beautifully that we all wanted to take him home and keep him forever.  If a three-year-old can do it, anyone can.

Infants and others who truly cannnot control themselves are, of course, an exception.  Anyone who is old enough and able to understand how nice people act, however, needs to toe the line in public.

If you believe that your children should be allowed to express themselves and do whatever they want in public, and if you have to lug along the contents of a moderately-sized WalMart in a bag to bribe your kids into the semblance of obedience, I’m sorry for you.  I’m also sorry for your kids; they’re going to get some harsh surprises when they’re on their own; if, indeed, they ever are.

Heck, I’ve got thirty-five-year-old college students whose mommies are still hovering over them.  Pathetic.

Of course, if that’s your GOAL for your kid, then by all means keep on hovering now.

But I bet a poll of the planet would reveal that the vast majority are happy with Southwest’s decision to honor the majority of the passengers rather than cater to one inept mother and her socially lacking child.

Well-behaved children are the most wonderful, beautiful things in the universe.  Children who are not, are the opposite of wonderful and beautiful.   Parents who do not require proper behavior in public from themselves and  from their children are ____________________ well, you fill in the blank yourselves, why dontcha.  There are many synonyms for “assholes” in any Dollar Tree thesaurus.

Bring it on.