Mamacita says:  It’s quiz time again!  This time, our topic is fairy tales, which were, as everyone once knew but few people remember now, never intended for children at all.  Don’t get me wrong: I love the Disney animated fairy tales, but I’m also a fairy tale purist, and the cleaning up of those gory old stories took a lot of the “cool” out of them.  Disney versions have happy endings, too, which few of the actual stories had.

Here’s your task:  Read the first and last lines of each tale and see if you know the title.  You might surprise yourself in more ways than one!  (The first line will be first and the last line will be, duh, last.)  Well, you know, some people require explicit instructions.  Sigh.

1. There was once a young fellow who enlisted as a soldier, conducted himself bravely, and was always the foremost when it rained bullets.

In the evening, some one knocked at the door, and when the bridegroom opened it, it was the Devil in his green coat, who said, “Seest thou, I have now got two souls in the place of thy one!”

2. A soldier came marching along the high road: “Left, right—left, right.”

The wedding festivities lasted a whole week, and the dogs sat at the table, and stared with all their eyes.

3. One summer’s morning a little tailor was sitting on his table by the window; he was in good spirits, and sewed with all his might.

So the little tailor was a king and remained one, to the end of his life.

4. There was was once a woman who wished very much to have a little child, but she could not obtain her wish.

The swallow sang, “Tweet, tweet,” and from his song came the whole story.

5. A certain man had a donkey, which had carried the corn-sacks to the mill indefatigably for many a long year; but his strength was going, and he was growing more and more unfit for work.

And the mouth of him who last told this story is still warm.

6. Once upon a time there was a prince who wanted to marry a princess; but she would have to be a real princess.

There, that is a true story.

7. The wife of a rich man fell sick, and as she felt that her end was drawing near, she called her only daughter to her bedside and said, “Dear child, be good and pious, and then the good God will always protect thee, and I will look down on thee from heaven and be near thee.”

And thus, for their wickedness and falsehood, they were punished with blindness as long as they lived.

8. Far out in the ocean, where the water is as blue as the prettiest cornflower, and as clear as crystal, it is very, very deep; so deep, indeed, that no cable could fathom it: many church steeples, piled one upon another, would not reach from the ground beneath to the surface of the water above.

But when we see a naughty or a wicked child, we shed tears of sorrow, and for every tear a day is added to our time of trial!

9. There was once on a time a Fisherman who lived with his wife in a miserable hovel close by the sea, and every day he went out fishing.

And there they are living still at this very time.

10. Many, many years ago lived an emperor, who thought so much of new clothes that he spent all his money in order to obtain them; his only ambition was to be always well dressed.

And the chamberlains walked with still greater dignity, as if they carried the train which did not exist.

11. There were once five-and-twenty tin soldiers, who were all brothers, for they had been made out of the same old tin spoon.

But of the little dancer nothing remained but the tinsel rose, which was burnt black as a cinder.

12. There was a man who had three sons, the youngest of whom was called Dummling, and was despised, mocked, and put down on every occasion.

After the King’s death, Dummling inherited the kingdom and lived a long time contentedly with his wife.

13. It was lovely summer weather in the country, and the golden corn, the green oats, and the haystacks piled up in the meadows looked beautiful.

Then he rustled his feathers, curved his slender neck, and cried joyfully, from the depths of his heart, “I never dreamed of such happiness as this, while I was an _____ ________.” (dead giveaway, sorry)

14. There was a certain merchant who had two children, a boy and a girl; they were both young, and could not walk.

On this they tried to seize him and pressed upon him, but he drew his sword and said, “All heads off but mine,” and all the heads rolled on the ground, and he alone was master, and once more King of the Golden Mountain.

15. Far down in the forest, where the warm sun and the fresh air made a sweet resting-place, grew a pretty little fir-tree; and yet it was not happy, it wished so much to be tall like its companions— the pines and firs which grew around it.

Now all was past; the tree’s life was past, and the story also,—for all stories must come to an end at last.

16. A long time ago there were a King and Queen who said every day, “Ah, if only we had a child!” but they never had one.

And then the marriage of the King’s son with Briar-rose was celebrated with all splendour, and they lived contented to the end of their days.

17. You must attend to the commencement of this story, for when we get to the end we shall know more than we do now about a very wicked hobgoblin; he was one of the very worst, for he was a real demon.

And they both sat there, grown up, yet children at heart; and it was summer,—warm, beautiful summer.

18. Once upon a time in the middle of winter, when the flakes of snow were falling like feathers from the sky, a queen sat at a window sewing, and the frame of the window was made of black ebony.

Then she was forced to put on the red-hot shoes, and dance until she dropped down dead.

19. It was terribly cold and nearly dark on the last evening of the old year, and the snow was falling fast.

No one imagined what beautiful things she had seen, nor into what glory she had entered with her grandmother, on New-year’s day.

20. There was once a widow who had two daughters — one of whom was pretty and industrious, whilst the other was ugly and idle.

But the pitch stuck fast to her, and could not be got off as long as she lived.

21. There was once a merchant that had three daughters, and he loved them better than himself.

And that’s why, to this day, the castle is known as the Castle of the Rose.

22. There were once a man and a woman who had long, in vain, wished for a child.

Two of her tears wetted his eyes and they grew clear again, and he could see with them as before, and he led her to his kingdom where he was joyfully received, and they lived for a long time afterwards, happy and contented.

23. There was a king who had twelve beautiful daughters.

So the king asked the soldier which of the princesses he would choose for his wife; and he answered, ‘I am not very young, so I will have the eldest.’ — and they were married that very day, and the soldier was chosen to be the king’s heir.

24. There was once upon a time a poor miller who had a very beautiful daughter.

“Some demon has told you that! Some demon has told you that!” screamed the little man, and in his rage drove his right foot so far into the ground that it sank in up to his waist; then in a passion he seized the left foot with both hands and tore himself in two.

25. One fine evening a young princess put on her bonnet and clogs, and went out to take a walk by herself in a wood; and when she came to a cool spring of water with a rose in the middle of it, she sat herself down to rest a while.

They then took leave of the king, and got into the coach with eight horses, and all set out, full of joy and merriment, for the prince’s kingdom, which they reached safely; and there they lived happily a great many years.

26. There was once a poor widow who lived in a lonely cottage. In front of the cottage was a garden wherein stood two rose-trees, one of which bore white and the other red roses.

She took the two rose-trees with her, and they stood before her window, and every year bore the most beautiful roses, white and red.

27. In China, you know, the emperor is a Chinese, and all those about him are Chinamen also.

The servants now came in to look after the dead emperor; when, lo! there he stood, and, to their astonishment, said, “Good morning.”

28. Every afternoon, as they were coming from school, the children used to go and play in the Giant’s garden.

And when the children ran in that afternoon, they found the Giant lying dead under the tree, all covered with white blossoms.

29. Once upon a time there lived in a certain village a little country girl, the prettiest creature who was ever seen.

And unfortunately, it is these gentle wolves who are the most dangerous ones of all.

30. Once upon a time there was a poor peasant who had so many children that he did not have enough of either food or clothing to give them.

As for the prince and princess, they set free all the poor Christians who had been captured and shut up there; and they took with them all the silver and gold, and flew away as far as they could from the castle that lay east of the sun and west of the moon.

I’ll post the answers in a few days, if you ask me nicely.

Highly recommended:  go to the library this summer and check out a big thick book of UNABRIDGED fairy tales;  the politically incorrect blood, gore, daughter-selling, youngest-son-mocking, parent-fooling, and poop-in-the-suit will entertain you for days.  Don’t waste your time on abridgments; they’re watered down and a major disappointment, and that’s true for ALL abridgments. I loathe and despise the abridged version of anything.

Real fairy tales, though, are bloody awesome, and I do mean bloody.  Of course, a lot of the action is perfectly understandable; I mean, who among us HASN’T, on occasion, accidentally cooked and eaten one of our children?

Come on, take the quiz.  Who knows the real stories and who thinks Disney’s are the real stories?   I’m always more than just a little bit horrified surprised at the people who really thought Disney’s versions were the real ones.

Blood bath!  Cannibals!  Dismemberment!  Poop in your suit!  Never bathe!  Sell your babies!  Hell, DEVOUR your babies!

I do love me some unabridged fairy tales.

“Good, by my troth, daughter broth!”