Mamacita says:  Oh, my darling, I didn’t mean to neglect you so!  You know I love you.  You know I care.  You know I’d never ignore you under normal circumstances!  Please find it in your heart to forgive me.  I know you’ve got to be cold, and hungry, and sad, and behind the times; I just simply can’t even begin to find the right words to apologize properly.  I’ll try, though:

Sorry, blog.

Seriously, I can’t believe I’ve gone this long without posting here.  I mean, it’s not like I’ve got anything exciting out there, taking up all my time and interest.  Maybe that’s it!  Maybe I just live such a boring life that there’s nothing to talk about any more.

Well, you know what they say about that old Chinese saying:  May you live in interesting times; it’s really a curse.

I’ve been cursed before, and no, thank you, I’ll take Door Number Three instead.

Darling, forgive me?  Thanks, sucker.

Let’s see, what can I say that I haven’t already said on Twitter and Facebook.  Oops, I didn’t mean to mention them.  You know I love YOU best.

A student gave me the finger the other day.  I’m filling out her Status Report with my toes as I type this.  Not really.  But she’s going down.  I really am filling out her Status Report; I just exaggerated about the toes part.

I do not have prehensile toes, unfortunately.  It would be a real time-saver.  Picture Helena Bonham Carter in Planet of the Apes.  Yeah, like that.  She could probably type with those toes.

No, this isn’t a picture of Michael Jackson.  I understand your confusion, but under the circumstances, that’s just mean and I’d never stoop to that level.  I’ve never seen a picture of Michael’s toes, but quite possibly he considered them a private part and kept them covered at all times.  You know, like his children’s faces and his ass except for when he had people over to play trampoline and “find the thimble.”

Quite honestly, the student who gave me the finger has upset me ’til I can barely remember how to act when I’m not working.  I’ve had too many complaints from other students to even keep track of, and enough is enough.  If it were just she and I, we could face off and deal, but when other students are distracted and upset and disgusted and inconvenienced, something more drastic must – and will – be done.  Ain’t nobody gwinta mess wit my students and live to tell.

Oh, sorry, I forgot I was trying to write “illiterate gangster style” up there, mid-sentence.

Eh.

To those of you who have been emailing me, wondering where I’ve been and asking if I’m all right:  Thank you so much for missing me!  Wow.  I had no idea my blog meant that much to you.  I’m genuinely humbled.  Just, wow.  Wow.  And, thank you.  Truly.

I’ll do better.  Honest.

Thank you.  And, thank you some more.