Mamacita says:

1.  I haven’t taken the wreath off the front door.  I can’t.  It’s been pouring down rain for three solid days, and I can’t put the wreath away soaking wet, can I?  Besides, I like to see it still there, telling the world that within this house dwell people who know how to do Christmas up right.

2.  I haven’t taken the lighted wreath off the wall inside the house, either.  I like to have something still twinkling, and I haven’t unplugged that wreath since Thanksgiving.  I’ll take it down when it stops raining and I can take down all the wreaths together.

3.  I haven’t put any medication on this horrific long deep cat scratch on  my shoulder today.  I really should, I suppose, because it’s starting to glow.  I’m not mad at the cat; she was only trying to jump down from the printer, and she assumed that my shoulder was a stepping stone.  When I moved, she tried to hold on for dear life.   I get that a lot.

4.  I haven’t gone to bed before 3 a.m. since well before Thanksgiving.  I have to go to meetings all day tomorrow and well into the night, so maybe I’ll turn in early tonight.  Well, almost 2 a.m. is early compared to 3 a.m., isn’t it?

5.  I haven’t taken any naps, either.  I’m not a napper.  If I’m going to go to sleep, I want it to be worth my while.  I’m not turning down the bed or getting out a blanket for an hour or two.  I also really hate resent it when somebody is napping in any room where people are trying to be awake and doing something. Sleeping is for bedrooms. Couches only when you’re spending the night and all the guest beds are full and it’s night.  If you’re determined to nap where the action is, don’t get all hissy with me when there are pans rattling and people talking in normal tones of voice and a chick flick movie resounding in the kitchen.   I have spoken.

6.  I still haven’t watched Titanic yet, even though I’ve owned a copy of the movie for many years.  Can’t get interested enough to sit still that long.  Besides, my son used to have the action figure of Leonardo de Caprio as Jack at the bottom of his piranha aquarium, and it cracked me up too much to get serious about the plot.

7.  I haven’t been able to figure out why people are so crazy about A Christmas Story. I had the DVD and gave it away to my Other Sister for my nephew.  It was cute, sure.  Nostalgic, sure.  But I only keep the movies I know I’ll watch again and again, and with A Christmas Story, once was enough.

8.  I have never “matched” any of my family or friends when it comes to “favorite Julie Andrews movie.”  Theirs is always The Sound of Music or Mary Poppins.  Now, I LOVE The Sound of Music – even though they family-ed and cutesied-up the movie version and left out the genuinely scary and upsetting stuff  – and I could watch Mary Poppins over and over again, getting more and more disgusted by those parents every time, but my favorite Julie Andrews movie is Victor/Victoria.

9.  I have never learned to like coffee or tea, not a single kind of either.  Hot or iced, flavored or plain. . . I loathe them all.  I think this might mean that I am not a real adult.  I’ve had my suspicions for a while.

10.  I have never learned to like or even tolerate celery.  It’s just too much like congealed snot with strings.  Peanut butter doesn’t help.

Okay, I’m going to brush my teeth, smear some kind of medication on this huge scratch, and go to bed.  I’ve got lives to change tomorrow.

I am Mamacita. Accept no substitutes!

Hitting the fan like no one else can...

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Scheiss Weekly by Jane Goodwin (Mamacita) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.