I’ve posted before about my peanut butter and jelly sandwich essay assignment.

It was one of the most successful things I did, silly as it might sound to some people. That’s why I’m going to do it in my college writing class next Tuesday afternoon.

Today in class, we talked about paragraphs that are in chronological order. First, next, then, lastly, etc. The example in the book was about Sumo wrestlers, and to be quite honest, I can’t even think about Sumo wrestlers without getting a little nauseous, but even so, the elaborate ritual BEFORE they even starting fighting was kind of interesting. And it was in time order!

I am frightened by Sumo thighs. But I digress.

When you read about food, and recipes, or instructions of any kind, or a description of an event, or a story, etc., the paragraphs are almost always in time order.

So, next Tuesday, I’ll bring in a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly and a loaf of bread and a roll of paper towels and a butter knife, and the students will bring their paragraphs (typed, double-spaced, cover page) to my desk and lay them in a pile, and then I’ll mix them up and call students to the front, two at a time: one to read somebody’s paragraph, and one to follow the directions AS WRITTEN. No extras, no improvisations, no doing anything that isn’t in the paragraph to do. Students whose paragraph results in a sandwich will get a passing grade. Those whose paragraphs don’t yield a sandwich, won’t.

Such is life. It works or it doesn’t.

I hope they all remember to include “Remove the lids” in their paragraphs.

I am also frightened by those terrifying diapered Sumo asses. When the men raise their legs and thump, I hear Johnny Weismuller’s yell in my head, and after the thunder fades away, there really should be elephants in the room.

I’m older than almost any other blogger, and I love a good peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I think I’ll go have one right now.

There are no children living in my house now, but I still buy Peter Pan by the half-gallon.

That’s right; he can be bought. And USED.

I was going to say “and eaten” but I figured some of you would be all over that one. I was, in my head.

Sammich.

Mamacita, Scheiss Weekly