I went to WalMart tonight, and I’m honestly sorry to be this kind of person, but it really makes me mad and yes, I really do think drastic measures are necessary.

When a grinning, ingratiating-type customer is one of many in line at the 20-items-or-less register, and when he starts piling his merchandise on the tiny little counter-space that was made for 20 items or less, and he says to the sweet little overworked cashier, “I’ve got about eight over the twenty; that’s all right, ain’t it, hyuck hyuck hyuck?” the answer should rightly be, “No, it’s not. Please put your stuff back in your cart and move it to the proper line. This line is for people with only a few items, and it’s not right to make them wait for you and your cartload.” And then I think everybody in the line should mutter ‘Jackass’ under his/her breath but loud enough for the jackass to hear.

The person behind him with a gallon of milk, the person behind her with a bag of apples, the person behind him with four two-liter bottles of Coke, the person behind her with a case of Pampers, two giant cans of Similac, an infant and a toddler, and the person behind her with a sack of potatoes and a pair of Levi’s, will be forever grateful.

It’s not like the guy has any finer feelings or anything, you know. He’s a JACKASS. And after all that, when he asks the little cashier to cash his payroll check even though he left his ID in the truck, and to run back and grab a pack of Winston’s for him, wouldja honey, because he done forgot, hyuck hyuck hyuck, I think he should be castrated there in the store by the 24-hour always-on-duty official WalMart BallBuster because we’ve already got far too many of them kinda folks.

You think I’m kidding, don’t you. Everybody who wishes that all stores, schools, institutions, offices, governments, and businesses of every kind had a 24-hour always-on-duty official BallBuster for people who think the rules are for other people, raise your hand and say, “JACKASS!”

Mamacita, Scheiss Weekly