Celebrity miscellany that, for some reason, really bothers me:

1. Ellen’s dog. I think the agency is wrong, wrong, wrong this time, and those who made this decision have, in fact, have shown themselves to be stupid twits. The death threats they’re getting are over the top, though. The real victim is the hairdresser’s little girl. The owners of the doggie agency must not have any kids of their own. (One would hope, anyway. ) If I were a billionaire who could afford to treat a dog better than most families are able to treat their human children, I’d certainly stop by this particular agency every day and say things like “no money from me or anybody I know today or any day, asswipes!” get that sweet little girl another dog, and mention this doggie agency by name daily, so people don’t forget and possibly give them some business. And if they sued, they’d just look stupider. (“Stop saying my name and telling people what I did! Stop it, stop it, stop it! Wahhhhhhh. . . .”) Of course, it’s obvious by now that the people who run it don’t care because they’ve already shown their collective IQ to the world. As for the family who now own the dog. . . shame on you. That dog belongs to that little girl and you know it. You’ll always know it. Enjoy.

2. Rod Johnston. But then, any man who leaves his wife for another woman is scum. How disappointing; I used to think Rod was cool and decent. Life is full of disillusionments, and adultery is never ‘right.’ I hate it that he turned out to be just another loser. And Lynn’s rerun in the Sunday paper made me cry.

3. Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie, Britney Spears, and that sad, sick, filthy, babbling, unstable drunk who lives under the bridge down from the Burger King: one and the same. But why aren’t we reading about the nameless drunk? He would probably respond to the help instead of wasting everybody’s time!

4. Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Tom Cruise, and Katie Holmes: Infidelity, illegitimacy, adultery, scientology. . . charming role models, those. Does anybody out there really care what these dreadful dirty immoral people do?

5. George Clooney. He never calls, he never writes. . . .