While it is very true that the road on which I live is a narrow two-lane road, with no shoulders and a lot of twists and hairpin curves, it is also very true that when I am behind a car that is going 15 MPH, I get mad at the driver and sometimes voice my doubts as to the legitimacy of his birth.

That being said, the speed limit on my road is 30 – 35 on the one short straight stretch by the airport- and if you go faster than that, you’re crazy. Seriously crazy.

Also, when people are driving on a road such as mine, never knowing whether or not they’ll meet another car when they drive around the curves, it is really rude to drive with the brights on, because when you round the bend, those brights BLIND PEOPLE.

Nice people do not drive on brights when they’re on a narrow, curvy road. It’s inconsiderate.

Watch out for the deer, too. They travel in herds out in these parts, and they don’t look both ways before they cross the road.

And why do they cross the road?

To get to the other side. What, you thought there would be a different answer just because they’re deer instead of chickens? Sorry.

Of course, on the other side of my road there is corn to be gleaned, and wildflowers to be devoured. You know, now that they’re devoured all MY flowers. . . .

Are you my friend? Do you hunt? ASK ME FIRST and you can hunt in my woods. If you go back there with a gun, without asking me first, I’ll call the sheriff on you.

I’m not kidding.

Honestly? You don’t really even need to go back into the woods. You can just sit on the deck and wait for the deer to come to YOU. They’re stupid; they always do.

We don’t hunt, but we let our friends go back there IF THEY ASK FIRST.

There are so many deer this season, we no longer refer to them as Bambi’s family. We refer to them as large rats.

Mamacita, Scheiss Weekly