I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I can’t seem to stop baiting the teachers on the educational forum I like to hang out on sometimes. Devil’s advocate is always fun, but on this forum? It’s almost too easy. They’re mostly very young, and most of them teach lower elementary, and I can’t stop toying with them. They take everything so incredibly seriously and so far I haven’t found very many with a funny bone. And I honestly do believe that too many parents are giving their kids stupid names with too many apostrophes and too many capital letters and too many ignorant spellings. So there.

Do you really love your baby? Back off with the apostrophes, limit the capital letters, and spell the damn name correctly! Unless you WANT your kid to be flipping burgers at Wendy’s when he/she’s forty years old, and living in your basement. Sheesh.

I also think that if you name your innocent child “Nascar Bill” or “Hewlitt-Packard” anything remotely resembling “Britney” or “Paris,” or you spell it “creatively,” (Trenadeigh, Jenafer, Jerame, Shan’Iqua’Del’Ima’Victim’O’Momconceit, or Meyqualle) you should roll up a newspaper and whack yourself over and over and over and over, until your eyes start whirling like a startled cartoon character and you fall on your knees and beg forgiveness of random strangers on the street, because you’ve done a bad, bad thing to a little baby who only wanted you to love him/her and what did you do instead? You marked him/her for life and condemned him/her to 12 years of everybody in his/her world mispronouncing his/her name. Shame.

One more thing: I was watching a DVD tonight and the previews were for “Pirates of the Caribbean.” The very second they were over, the screen lit up with the official “Anti-piracy policy” of the movie company.

I found it very funny.

Why, yes, I might be in a mood tonight. Why do you ask?

Mamacita, Scheiss Weekly