For all my big talk about being strict, I’m really kind of a softy when there’s a good reason for a student’s absence. For example, I have one student who has to miss occasionally because she’s undergoing chemo; I consider that a viable excuse. She’s very good about her make-up work, and conscientious about everything. Another student’s husband is quite ill and has undergone two serious operations in the past month; she, too, is very conscientious about making up everything she must miss. Vomit? Stay home. Migraine? Ditto. Extremely sick child? Good heavens, a child is more important than a gerund. Take care of your child.

Sniffles? Get to class. Hangover? Life is full of choices, isn’t it. Get to class. Oversleeping more than once in a semester? Forget it. “MUST take a nap NOW?” Nope. Got a chance to go to King’s Island for a long weekend? Have fun, but you aren’t making up the work. Mommy and Daddy are leaving for the Bahamas the week before or after Spring Break and you want to go, too? Toodles, Muffy, but you’re not taking the test late, and your project that’s due BEFORE break will still be due before break. Bring it in afterwards if you want, but you won’t get any credit for it.

And if you’ve missed three weeks of class, including the day your class took Midterms, and try to talk me into allowing you to take that missed MidTerm Exam, and I fall for your excuses, and tell you to come to my room at 9:00 this morning because I’ve made a special effort to bring your exam to class and make a place for you in the classroom where other students in another class are taking their exam, you’d better by golly show up, because if you don’t, you’ve failed the class.

I waited for you until noon, absentee student, and you never showed. No email or phone call from you, either.

So tomorrow, when I’ll get yet another whiny email full of excuses and pleadings from you, forget it. I’m not going to fall for your act again.

The majority of my students are wonderful, hardworking, trustworthy people, and they all show up every week and they all showed up this week for the big exam, and if there are privileges to be handed out, they’re going to get them, not you.

Let me say that again: not you.

My advice? Go to the registrar and withdraw. Try again next semester. Maybe by then you’ll have grown up a little more.

Mamacita, Scheiss Weekly