Things that really, really annoy me, and there’s no good reason for it, they just DO:

1. . . . trying to read a piece of writing that might have been pretty good if the writer had not used DH, DD, DS, etc. What in the world is up with that? Can’t the writer spell these words? When I try to read a piece of writing about somebody’s DH, I almost throw up a little back in my throat. Spell it out, dammit; are you twelve years old? When you use these initials, you come off sounding like a tool.

2. People in the grocery store who don’t notice that they are in the “ten items or under” line until they get right up to the cashier, and then they smile sheepishly and start putting their stuff on the little short counter that was only meant to hold ten items or under, anyway. Are you illiterate? Are you THAT DISTRACTED by your obnoxious children? When you pretend to be all astounded at your “mistake,” it just adds to the farce. Nobody believes you did it accidentally; it was just the shortest line and you dove into it. Jerk. I stand behind you with my gallon of milk and my sack of green seedless grapes, and I loathe you.

3. People who park in the handicapped space because they’re just going to run in for a second. I wish the cops would ticket those people every single time no matter who they are, and I wish the fines were really, really big. A few years ago, during a local election, I did not vote for a guy I had originally planned to vote for, because one of his workers parked in a handicapped spot at the post office, to run in for ‘just a sec.’ I figured, if that was the kind of person he wanted working for him, he wasn’t the kind of person I wanted to vote for. And I told everybody I knew.

4. Parents who believe they and their children are above the school rules. Administrators who enable them. Scum, both.

5. Drivers who do not signal before they turn. Drivers who swing way out into another lane whilst turning.

6. People who do not read the rules and then get all huffy because they’re expected to abide by them anyway. (Item: check out your kid’s school handbook. Don’t stomp to school and make an idiot of yourself over an issue that’s clearly spelled out in a book you’ve had at your disposal since August.)

7. Keep your animals out of other people’s yards. Let them poop in YOUR yard.

8. Nice people do not light a cigarette anywhere except their own home or maybe a bar that doesn’t mind catering to drug addicts. Preferably with all the doors and windows shut tight so they can’t stink up any other parts of the world.

9. People who don’t vote. I believe that only voters have the right to be whiners. People who don’t vote have chosen of their own free will to forfeit all whining rights, later. Why would anybody care about the political opinions of somebody who didn’t even have the balls to get out there and vote? Not me.

10. People who have no elevator manners.

11. People who try to cut a line.

12. People who allow someone to cut in front of them. They’re not just cutting in front of YOU, you moron, they’re cutting in front of everybody behind you, too. You have no right to sanction that.

13. People who don’t discipline their children and yet insist on taking them out in public. Blah.

14. Administrators of almost every kind. If I ever meet a good one, I will start making exceptions.

15. Parents who let their kids boss them around. Homes in which the kids rule. Listen, ask your kid what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying it.

16. Parents (and I use that term loosely) who buy luxuries for themselves instead of socks and mittens and pencils and milk for their children. In fact, parents who buy ANYTHING for themselves, rather than socks and mittens for their children, are scum.

17. People of any age who SCREAM. In public or in private, I really don’t care. Modulate your voice, you screeching moron.

18. People who don’t keep their word. Promises aren’t something you say during the convenience of a moment. Promises are supposed to be carved in stone, and kept, no matter what the inconvenience to you, and it doesn’t matter if you changed your mind. When we hired an Amish family to build our house, some twenty years ago, there wasn’t a piece of paper anywhere, concerning the deal. It was made verbally and sealed with a handshake. Both sides kept their word. It was a matter of honesty and honor. The bank, of course, had no honor or honesty and there was a mountain of paperwork involved there. What a difference.

19. People who bring animals to crowded places. I know that little Tiffin is like your child, but children don’t belong everywhere, either. Also, Tiffin’s shit stinks, and when she starts yip yip yipping, it’s as obnoxious as a child’s whining would be. Hire a sitter for your dog next time.

20. People who don’t bathe. I’ve had teachers with nasty hair, and I’ve seen professional people who smell like skank or locker room. What’s up with that? There’s no excuse. Buy a mirror and look in it. And while you’re at the store, buy some soap and shampoo and use it. Daily. Pewww.

I’m sure I have many more peeves, but that’s enough for now. I’m really a very nice person, as long as you don’t stink or do rude selfish things. And you are allowed to think the same kind of things about me.

Because, I’m not perfect either, even though people think I am.

Maybe I was just born too late.