You know how I am totally in love with Colin Firth and Hugh Grant?  Mmmm, totally?  And how I’ll watch anything with either of them in it, and probably love it?  Because anything with either of them in it has GOT to be wonderful?  And how either of them could read the dictionary out loud and I would still swoon because with those accents even the phone book would sound like Shakespeare, and Shakespeare read out loud by beautiful men with accents makes me all. . . . . well, you know.

 

And how I watch “Love Actually” over and over and over because not only is it a terrific concept (I mean, four or so major plotlines in one flick?  Help me Rhonda, help me get it out of my system!!!!)  but mostly because it has BOTH COLIN AND HUGH and it’s like a big hormonal Christmas gift with my name on it, every time the opening scene flashes onto my tv screen. . . .

 

It also has Alan Rickman but you probably don’t want me to get started on how sexy and fascinating I find him. . . . .(Ohhh Harry, oh Severus, oh Alexander, oh Metatron, oh Colonel Brandon, oh Hans, oh Elliot, oh Marvin. . . . .)

 

Liam Neeson. . . . .

 

Well.  So.  Loving both actors so very much led me to be all excited when I found both Bridget Jones movies in a bargain bin at Target.  Everybody had told me how much they loved Bridget Jones, what a funny funky heroine she was, and how beautiful both Colin and Hugh were in both films, etc etc etc.

 

I got them home.  I fought my way through the obnoxious tightly-sealed cellophone, and pried off those annoying strips of strong tape, popped first one and then the other in the player and sat back to smile and fall in love all over again.  

 

Please don’t hate me for this, but. . . . .

 

I didn’t like either of them.  Didn’t like Renee, didn’t like Hugh, didn’t like Colin.  The only character I even sort of liked was Shirley Henderson’s Jude, and I think that was only because I kept imagining Moaning Myrtle there at the table.

 

My daughter adores Bridget Jones.  All my friends love Bridget Jones. 

 

But, but, but, she was WHINY and ANNOYING, and she did stupid things, one after another, and it was really hard to picture her with either Colin or Hugh because in real life neither of them would want her; I mean, why would they?  She was whiny and annoying!!!!!  She had a dreadful laugh.  She was kind of. . . . stupid.

 

I don’t watch Everybody Loves Raymond for this same reason.  I don’t like whiny people who drone through their nose.

 

I’m so disillusioned.  Oh Colin, oh Hugh. . . .

 

I think a real-life home visit from both men is in order, that I might remember why I loved them so.