I have a student who came to class on January 9 and 11, and didn’t come to class again until last Wednesday, Feb. 15.

He’s missed about a dozen quizzes and four essays, and a ton of class discussion.

He emailed me that Wednesday night and needed more details on how to write an essay. I answered his questions, and then I asked him where he’d been for a month. I had already turned his name into the registrar as a “no-show.” (That includes students who come a time or two and then never show up again.) (Their financial aid depends on their attendance.)

Here is his answer:

“ive been out for one i didnt have a way over here and two i tore my aclplaying basketball and thathas been keeping me out i couldnt even walk forawhile my knee is still kinda swolling….”

The sad thing is that I see this kind of writing all the time. I’m not looking forward to seeing his essay. IF he can make it out to the college, that is.

This semester, he’s rivaled only by the woman who wandered into the building yesterday and told the director that she’d registered for a few classes she thought around last Christmas, and was wondering when they started. And was SHOCKED when told that she’d missed a month, and that it was too late.

The bad thing with her was that somehow the registrar had missed her name on the no-show roster and her financial aid had already been mailed. Sometimes, it’s hard to get it back from that kind of people. They get a check in the mail and it’s THEIRS, no matter what. Sigh.

I’m sorry the guy’s knee is swolling, and I’m sorry this woman is in shock. But guess what: they both fail.

They fail because they are stupid. No euphemisms allowed.