I am a ‘word’ person. A language person.

In my classes, I jump on almost any excuse to highlight a particular word and force my students to take it back to its point of origin. I’ve done this for a zillion years, and I’m still doing this.

It is , of course, the high point of their day. Well, today it might have been.

Today, we were discussing grammar via a selection in the text that highlighted legal precedures. The words ‘testimony,’ ‘testify,’ and ‘testimonial’ kept coming up.

Coming up. Mwahahahahahaha. . . . .

Although there are some who do not agree, many scholars, theologians, and historians DO agree that the word in all its aspects hearkens back to. . . . testicles.

Ancient Greeks swore in court by holding on to their testicles. In the Old Testament, Abraham’s servant swore an oath by placing his hand “under the thigh” of his master. (This is a euphemism for ‘penis.’ The ancients seldom used the word itself because it was considered sacred.) (See laughter above.)

Jacob tricked his brother out of his inheritance, but he didn’t get blessed until after he wrestled with the angel, when an oath was made for a blessing, by putting his hands on the angel’s testicles. And many scholars believe that the “sinew that shrank” was actually. . . .well, you know. And we are advised not to eat it.

Hey, no problem here.

Well, actually, there is a problem here. The problem is that now I have this stupid Twisted Christmas song running through my head:

Grahbe Yahbalz like Michael Jackson,
Fa la la la la, la la la la. . . .

Well, you get the picture. Now try to remove the picture. Not so easy, is it.

I am really not a crude person, at least not most of the time. I am really a gentle person. But life can be so darn funny, it would be inconsiderate not to laugh.

P.S. Do not confuse ‘testicles’ with any of his brothers, such as Pericles, Sophocles, or Heracles.

P.P.S. Yes, I said Heracles. Hercules is just. . . . wrong. I’d blame Disney, because even though I love Disney I like to blame Disney for plotlines gone perverted, but people were saying and spelling it wrong long before Disney stepped in. The word is “Heracles.” Not “Hercules.” He was named for Hera. Heracles.

You may now go back to your usual programming.