Everyone in this house has a college degree. Some of us have more than one.

Why is it then that nobody but me seems to know how to put a new roll of toilet paper on the spindle? There is a grown man in this house who can’t remember where the toilet paper is KEPT. Or where the light bulbs are hidden. (Yes, I bring them home from K-Mart and HIDE them all over the house, like Easter eggs. And the batteries, too.)

I also keep the the tape cleverly concealed. The scissors walk out by themselves. Somewhere in this house there is a pile of scissors plotting to take over the world.

Why is it that nobody but me understands the concept of “when you remove the full bag of trash, you put a NEW trash bag in the can?”

Closely related to that one is this one: Don’t put any trash in the can until the new bag is installed therein.

I was trying to remember the last time our big dining room table was cleared off and the candles were centered. I think it was Christmas.

Right now the candles are pushed over to the edge, because there is a computer in various stages of assembly, and several piles of xeroxed school papers, on the table. There are tools on the chair seats, and a big pile of styrofoam wedges and empty boxes in front of the stereo.

We’re having company this weekend. Sigh.

Ben, I hope you don’t mind eating off the little kitchen table. The big one is being used for other things right now.

Right now. Hah.

When the kids were younger, there was almost always a jigsaw puzzle being built on that table. Or science projects spread out all over it. Homework. Craft projects. I still put my sewing maching on that table.

Clearing it off for a nice dinner was almost impossible. I got out of the habit. Holidays, yes. Thursdays, no.

I wish I could clean it off for this weekend’s guest, though. He’s that dear to my heart. I’d light the candles for him.

I usually light my candles anyway. I used to try and ‘save’ them, especially when they were really pretty, and then I read Erma Bombeck’s essay. Have you read that essay? You need to. Here it is.

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If I had it all to do over again. . . .

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room, and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment, and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I love you’s.”. More “I’m sorry’s”. But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute … look at it and really see it … live it … and never give it back.

Stop sweating the small stuff. Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.

Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who Do Love Us.

Let’s think about what God HAS blessed us with, and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually.

Life is too short to let it pass you by. We only have one shot at this and then it’s gone.

I hope you all have a blessed day.

(By Erma Bombeck. Written after she found out she was dying from cancer.)

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Now, rummage through that drawer or cabinet where you keep things that are “too good to use” for everyday, and use them. Don’t wait ’till they melt, or ’till the mice eat them.

Your family is more important than any guest you might have. Use the good stuff for your family. So what if something breaks. It’s just a dish.

I wish I had, more often.

Hula, Pam can’t go Saturday night after all. Are you sure you’re not available?

You young things might have to ask your mother what ‘teasing and spraying’ means. Thank goodness THAT stupid fad is long past.

Although, when I look at Mom’s Red Hat Ladies, I don’t think anyone told them yet.