This is one of my living room walls. See the can of Pledge on top of the hollow drum? Proof that I’m trying. See that phone? It’s dead. See that mandolin? My dad bought that for me when I was a little kid; he wanted me to play in a country band like Ronnie Stoneman. See that dulcimer? A truly terrible and violent kid made that for me in 8th grade shop class right before he was expelled. See that flute case? That’s one of Hub’s latest auction scores. See the top of that guitar on the floor? I ordered that from Montgomery Ward’s catalog when I was a kid. It came with a 45 record called “How to Play the Guitar.” The guitar hanging on the wall is Hub’s. The banjo is his, too. See the top of that mandolin case next to the Pledge? In that case is my absolutely gorgeous bright red electric mandolin Hub got me for Christmas a few years ago.The two recorders on top of the piano belong to my kids. That’s a flat dish of various kinds of picks next to the piano lamp. See that bottle of Hai Karate aftershave? It’s unopened. I’m going to try and sell it on Ebay. Unless any of you wants it. The curio cabinet is full of tiny little lighthouses and ‘things’ my students have given me for Christmas over the years. Some of them are butt ugly, but I don’t care. I saved them all, because I loved the givers so very much. See that neon-green pen? I stole brought that home from a Vegas casino. See that giant Voltron lion?
That, my friends, is absolute living proof that my living room is the coolest living room in the world.
(Do any of you know who Ronnie Stoneman is?)
(Do any of you remember Hai Karate aftershave?)
(I almost had to seriously hurt a woman in a store, right before Christmas, to get that Voltron lion. They were scarcer than Cabbage Patch dolls that year.)
(Do any of you remember when grown women were knifing each other over Cabbage Patch dolls?)
(All the rest of the musical instruments are in the computer room with the amps.)
(Except for the snare drum which currently resides at the Pawn Shop. Zappa was a little short of money that week.)