If you are old enough to remember “American Pie” as a single by Don McLean, and not as that movie about the potential of hot apple pie, you will also remember that it was long, a really long song.

Have we established that it is a really long song?

Well, it’s even longer when it’s being sung karaeoke-style by a drunk guy in a bar.

After about an hour, I was sure that this’ll be the day that I die. And I wasn’t even drinking whiskey and rye. But I was sure tempted to catch the last train to the coast.

Maybe behind that door someone was happy for a while. But that voice did NOT come from you or me. I was wishing the Byrds had some extra room in their fallout shelter. They’re soundproof, right?

The levee is dry. I need another.