100 Things. Try not to fall asleep, ok?

All the cool kids were doing it, so here’s mine.

100 Things.

1. My college boyfriend and I traveled all over the States on a motorcycle, and later in a little green Dodge.
2. We dated for four years.
3. He bought me a single-shot Winchester rifle for our first Christmas.
4. I still have the long wooden three-person toboggan he gave me for my 20th birthday. My kids have used it all their lives.
5. He gave me a beautiful green Motobecane racing bike when I turned 21. I gave it to my sister-in-law after I married someone else.
6. I dated his brother first.
7. He died of bone cancer soon after I got married. (The boyfriend, not his brother.)
8. I danced with Bobby Knight at a party in a trailer court.
9. I drive past John Mellencamp’s house every day.
10. My husband and I are both county spelling champs, and so is our daughter.
11. In high school, I broke up with a boyfriend over the phone because he was such a possessive baby. Someone in my family later married him.
12. I really am one of Jerry’s Kids. I’m not just being disrespectful.
13. I gave birth to my son in less than twenty minutes. I had him while my husband was parking the car.
14. Richard Chamberlain’s family lives in my town.
15. I was on the Board of Governors at Indiana University when I was an undergraduate.
16. I was on the Indiana University Trivia Team.
17. I have not taken a math class since my sophomore year in high school.
18. When I went to college, it was possible to substitute P.E. and Health classes for science classes. That’s why I have an endorsement in School and Community Health.
19. The only sciences I took in college were astronomy, geology, and advanced mammalian physiology. I flunked physiology.
20. I failed Mammalian Physiology because I would not crucify a live frog, cut it open, and measure its dwindling heart and organ functions. I walked out of the lab and never went back.
21. I didn’t have the prerequisites anyway. I took the class because my boyfriend was in it.
22. I used to have a denim tie-dyed string bikini. I later wrapped it around a split post on my son’s bunk beds to keep it from breaking. It was a size 3. When we gave away the bed, the bikini was still tied around the post.
23. Never in all my life have I ever pretended to be someone else, except at Halloween. And when I took the girls to get their ears pierced.
24. The globes on my computer lamp are two huge bloodshot eyeballs.
25. There is a life-size skull in my dining room.
26. A huge leering gremlin is pushing out of the wall to my right in this very room.
27. I love candles, although we try to keep them away from Belle since she dropped nail polish remover on a burning candle and nearly burned down our house. The carpet outside the bathroom is melted and feels all goofy on bare feet.
28. I met my husband in high school, although I wouldn’t date him then because I thought he was boring.
29. A few years later, in college, I realized my mistake.
30. I learned to aim and shoot a gun when I was seven years old.
31. I learned how to reload shotgun shells when I was nine.
32. I do not believe in social promotion. Still in school at 24? That’s fine with me.
33. Capital punishment is barbaric, and unworthy of a civilized society.
34. Undisciplined children are the devil’s spawn. Well-behaved children are higher than the angels. Self-esteem must be earned to be worth anything. All children know this; many adults do not.
35. I wore my sister’s wedding dress. I didn’t try it on until the night before my wedding.
36. I forgot to get wedding shoes. I wore brown sandals.
37. I had a chocolate wedding cake. Back then, that was incredible.
38. In college, I almost married a Chinese friend so he would not have to go back to Hong Kong after graduation.
39. He was accepted into law school without taking the LSAT, because the college badly needed his ethnicity for their records. I went with him when he applied to take the test, and we both heard the guy in the back room yell “A CHINESE GUY! WE’RE SAVED!!!”
40. If I had married him, I’d be rolling in wealth today.
41. All my old boyfriends are rich, except the two who are dead, of course.
42. My husband and I are poor. It is not our fault.
43. I cut our grass on a riding lawn tractor the day before my daughter was born. (8 acres!)
44. My husband and I both have several boxes full of comic books from the sixties and seventies, stored in the garage. His are Marvel; mine are DC.
45. I love to make lists and plan things.
46. I love to help people and give them gifts.
47. I would rather buy books or music than clothes.
48. My husband and I used to have pink sheets with kittens on them.
49. Christmas is my favorite season.
50. I always vowed that I would never get fat. I got fat.
51. In college, I had a friend named Velvet Bush . She was a huge black girl with a big ‘fro. I still think this is funny.
52. My father was blind and had no legs. He used to say this was cool, because at least he ‘wouldn’t get any damn socks at Christmas any more.’ He would ask for a football.
53. When my mother was young, she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life.
54. My friends used to go skinny-dipping in the quarries. I could never bring myself to do it. I watched, but I kept my string bikini on.
55. The water in a quarry-hole is colder than anyone’s imagination could ever imagine. Polar bears would scream if they jumped into it.
56. It was awesome.
57. We had to be careful not to touch the live wires stretched across the water.
58. My daughter celebrated her 21st birthday in Italy. I cried because I wasn’t there with her.
59. I don’t think she missed me overmuch. She lived next door to a bar.
60. I once walked through the men’s locker room at IU, on a dare.
61. I used to watch Mark Spitz practice his fancy dives.
62. I accidentally cut off my right thumb with a piece of broken glass. It was re-attached. When you press on my thumb-knuckle, I can feel pressure on my shoulder.
63. I have broken my little toes over a hundred times.
64. I once walked topless across the fourth floor of the IU library, on a dare.
65. The first time I ever tasted alcohol, my friends had to wheel me back to the dorm in a grocery cart.
66. That same night, I had shown everyone at the party my Tweety Bird underpants.
67. I once dated a guy who later died of AIDS.
68. I was a Candy-Striper in high school.
69. I used to hate recess beyond all imagining, in grade school.
70. I once dated a guy who later became a conservative Pentecostal. After his conversion, he wouldn’t take me anywhere public, because he didn’t want to risk being seen with a short-haired girl in jeans.
71. This bothered me, so I wore an “ERA NOW” t-shirt to his Bible study.
72. His idea of a date was to park behind the gas station, put quarters in the machines, and slurp pop out of the can.
73. Before his conversion, we used to go dancing every weekend.
74. The contrast was too much for me. I hired my baby sister to bust us up. She did.
75. I took my youngest sister and the little girl across the street to get their ears pierced. I told the store I was their mother and signed the papers. I did not have permission to do this.
76. I was amazed that mom and the other mom were upset.
77. I understand now.
78. My friends are an amazing and interesting mix of ultra-conservative/ultra-liberal in every possible aspect of life. When we get together, we have a blast.
79. I wish I were more discerning. I am easily fooled.
80. I love discussions, if the people are smart.
81. I have the worst case of empty nest syndrome in the world.
82. I miss being healthy.
83. Ordinarily, I am not bold.
84. I have never thought of myself
as being very interesting at all.
85. I used to be really hot. Now, I am really not.
86. I am happiest when I am with PEOPLE.
87. I bet I know more songs by heart than you do.
88. I have a bad tendency to be scornful of stupid people. I need to work on my compassion for them.
89. People who make excuses for everything really disgust me.
90. I seldom watch TV.
91. I have all the MASH episodes on DVD.
92. I’ve already pre-ordered the new Harry Potter book. July. Can’t wait!
93. People who are easily offended are no fun.
94. People who jump to conclusions are not very nice.
95. I love children. I miss having them in my house.
96. I love to cook.
97. I love to take care of people.
98. Trivia games are fun.
99. Heavy discussions and arguments about issues, among friends, are one of the greatest enjoyments of life.
100. I hope no one has fallen asleep from sheer boredom, if anybody even managed to get this far. I am just not a very cool or interesting person.