Last night a Dear Friend and I were emailing back and forth, as we are occasionally inspired to do, and I sent him this long rambling message to try and cheer him up from the overwhelming exhaustion that children so often bring. It’s just an off-the-top-of-my-head ramble and I never dreamed anybody but him would ever see it.
He asked me to post it here, though, and since it’s his birthday, I’ll do it.
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Dear G,
There’s a lot I’d like to tell you but you wouldn’t believe me yet. I’m not being condescending, I’m just being practical; which is something I’m trying to get used to being because I’m the most impractical person in the world but since we have no money now. . .I have to try harder but I digress.
There are all kinds of cliches, like “it goes so fast” and “these are the best years of your life” and “enjoy it while they’re young”, etc, and they are all absolutely true in every possible way.
People usually say that stuff when you’re going through a particularly awful phase of some kind that we can’t WAIT to end, and sometimes we want to hurt those sanctimonious old people badly with our thumbs when they start spouting that stuff. But they’re right. It’s true.
There are all kinds of cartoons about rambunctious kids and exhausted parents, but when the parents go in to watch their sleeping children, somehow it’s all worth it. That’s true, too; but you’re still exhausted and the few hours of sleep you’re going to get won’t be enough and you know it and as you gaze at those sleeping angels, loving every crease and fold on them, you’re still thinking about how you used to sleep till noon and go for weekends whenever you wanted to. It’s in the back of your mind, not the front, but we do. And we wouldn’t go back if we could. Except in our dreams. . . . And still we wouldn’t trade it for anything in the universe.
Those precious children we made ourselves; love, walking around; love, pooping all over the carpet and puking buckets and screaming and costing more money than we can find and destroying things and ruining plans. . . . And still, it’s worth it. It’s hard to appreciate it when we’re right in the middle of it, exhausted, trying to stretch the money when there’s fifty places to put every nickel, everything’s a huge deal when you try to go anywhere. . . ..every outing turns into a circus, and your head’s spinning trying to make order out of chaos, and everybody needs something at the same time. . . . it’s hard, G, and that’s why you’re so tired. The last thing you need is some old chick like me giving you advice. But hon, sometimes, somebody that’s been through it and lived, knows some tricks that could help.
The main trick, of course, is time. But don’t wish your life away, longing for the future to come. Don’t wish their lives away. The thing that helped me most, was remembering that this, too, would pass. Of course, that same thing also made me sad, because I didn’t want it to pass. I wanted it to last forever, minus the shit.
Now my kids are grown and gone. When I look back, I mostly see the perfection of it all, and the bad things, while not forgotten, have calmed down in my mind till I can see them more clearly, or not as clearly, whichever helps me the most. I don’t really wish them back, but I wish I’d appreciated them more while I had them.
I think you do, G. When the exhaustion lifts, and you can think a little more clearly, you’ll see that what you’ve got is the envy of the nation, and the 8th wonder of the world. You see that now. But later on, it will be made even more clear.
Keep on doing what you’re doing, Jim. You’re doing better than fine. Yeah, you’re cool.
EVERYBODY thinks so.
Love, Mamacita
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Happy Birthday, G. How old did you say you were now? 41 ?????!!!!!!!! Wow, no WONDER you know so much stuff; you’ve had YEARS to absorb it all !
Click here for your birthday cake.
