You know those transparent tags glued to the front of new pants? The huge LOOOONG transparent tag with the SIZE written on it in letters large enough to be seen from the back of the room? That long invisible tag with the SIZE on it? Did any of you ever somehow miss that tag when you were removing the stapled cardboard tags from your new pants? You got all the white cardboard off your new pants, but just didn’t see that long transparent tag because everything but the SIZE was invisible? Did any of you put on those pants, tag and all, and wear them to work, where the incredibly large number that is the SIZE was hitting everyone in the face all morning? And you could see amazement on everyone’s face but you assumed they were all just really into those sentence fragments and never dreamed they were struck dumb by the huge number that was your SIZE? Did any of you ever wear that tag out in public, in front of dozens and dozens of people, who now know that you get new pants so infrequently that you don’t even know where all the tags are, and that you wear a size that sometimes has to be special-ordered? Did anybody out there ever do that?

Um, me neither.