Warning: political incorrectness ahead.

People with no concept of personal space are either clueless idiots, or just inconsiderate creeps. Not much of a choice, is there.

Tonight’s rant is about people who have no concept of personal space when parking their car in a large grocery store lot with PLENTY of empty spaces.

Why do these people insist on parking their car right smack on the elbow of another car? Are they really that stupid? Apparently they are, because they do it. And stupidity is the only reason I can think of, for doing such a thing.

When I came out of the grocery store tonight, there still were very few cars in the lot, all spaced appropriately except for the brand-new white Cadillac (the ugliest car ever made, by the way) parked right next to my car, so close to the driver’s door, I couldn’t open it. I had to get in through the passenger door, and climb over, all the while hating the people who owned the Cadillac (voted ‘car of choice’ by geezers with more money than taste).

I am large and singularly ungraceful, and I’m sure the security people inside the store are still rolling on the floor laughing.

Actually, I giggled almost all the way home, at the thought of the show I must have put on for their cameras.

Fortunately, I had heeded my mother’s advice and worn my good underwear. Although pretty underwear on a woman my size is pretty much a moot point. Picture a snowman in lingerie. Is that attractive? No, it’s merely ludicrous.

Jean Kerr described putting a swimsuit on a fat woman as just like trying to put sheets on a waterbed. I’m a big fat chick, and I find that description not only embarassingly accurate, but also hilariously funny. Hey, just because a girl is huge doesn’t mean she has no sense of humor! That’s funny! Go ahead and laugh!

Another description I found funny was an article describing a fat woman’s bikini as “two rubber bands on an egg.” Again, hilarious. But seriously, ladies, why would you wear a bikini if your stomach completely hid the bottom and your boobs were falling out of the top and your upper arms were sliding down over your cleavage? That is NOT attractive. NO no no no no. Cover that up. Please.

That reminds me, I think I’ll rewatch “Shallow Hall” again tonight. That scene where she throws the gigantic thong underwear at Jack Black absolutely cracks me up.

Thong underwear. “Cracks” me up. Oh man, I’m hilarious.

And thank you, Farrelly brothers, for NOT showing us the thong underwear ON the fat Gwynyth.

I think I’ll go into the kitchen now, crank up ‘Shallow Hal,’ and have a few Hostess cupcakes.

The chocolate ones, with the squiggles on top.


Comments

Warning: political incorrectness ahead. — 24 Comments

  1. Been meaning to drop you a line for weeks now and tell you that every damn time I see an amusing banner on Blog Explosion and click on it, it takes me to your site! Well done. 🙂

  2. Been meaning to drop you a line for weeks now and tell you that every damn time I see an amusing banner on Blog Explosion and click on it, it takes me to your site! Well done. 🙂

  3. Speaking as a woman of size I have to chuckle in appreciation of your observations of fat women trying to wear swim suits …the water bed comment made me literally laugh out loud.

    Another parking lot pet peeve of mine is the person who drives the brand spanking new sports car and is so paranoid about it getting “dinged” in the parkinglot the park it diagonally across *2* parking spots instead. Very inconsiderate.

  4. Speaking as a woman of size I have to chuckle in appreciation of your observations of fat women trying to wear swim suits …the water bed comment made me literally laugh out loud.

    Another parking lot pet peeve of mine is the person who drives the brand spanking new sports car and is so paranoid about it getting “dinged” in the parkinglot the park it diagonally across *2* parking spots instead. Very inconsiderate.

  5. “Picture a snowman in lingerie.”

    You know, that’s an image I’m going to have with me the rest of the night, whether I want it or not. 😉

    I have a friend who HATES parking next to anyone. Never mind that she drives this beat-up old van, she still parks at the furthest corner of a parking lot to avoid being anywhere close to another car. She’ll park and the nearest car will be 150 feet away. But then, 9 times out of 10, she’ll return to find a car RIGHT NEXT to her!

    Go figure.

    -G

  6. “Picture a snowman in lingerie.”

    You know, that’s an image I’m going to have with me the rest of the night, whether I want it or not. 😉

    I have a friend who HATES parking next to anyone. Never mind that she drives this beat-up old van, she still parks at the furthest corner of a parking lot to avoid being anywhere close to another car. She’ll park and the nearest car will be 150 feet away. But then, 9 times out of 10, she’ll return to find a car RIGHT NEXT to her!

    Go figure.

    -G

  7. At my train station parking lot people park like complete morons. One time someone parked so close to my door I couldn’t even get to the door to try and open it. I too had to crawl through the passenger door into the car. I rolled down my window and left them a nice message on their door with my key.

    I hate people who can’t park.

  8. At my train station parking lot people park like complete morons. One time someone parked so close to my door I couldn’t even get to the door to try and open it. I too had to crawl through the passenger door into the car. I rolled down my window and left them a nice message on their door with my key.

    I hate people who can’t park.

  9. Thank you so much!! You made me laugh today, and now I am ready to go look in the mirror at my fat self and grin. I might look pretty silly in lingerie, but at least I am always comfortable in my giant cotton spanky pants. My mother calls them “around the house panties” because they can fit around the actual house. Maybe even the block.

  10. Thank you so much!! You made me laugh today, and now I am ready to go look in the mirror at my fat self and grin. I might look pretty silly in lingerie, but at least I am always comfortable in my giant cotton spanky pants. My mother calls them “around the house panties” because they can fit around the actual house. Maybe even the block.

  11. lol. i loved your post. i got the link from churchofsteelle – i’m a big fat chick as well and no i don’t need to be in a thong that is just asking for ass chap ! ha !

  12. lol. i loved your post. i got the link from churchofsteelle – i’m a big fat chick as well and no i don’t need to be in a thong that is just asking for ass chap ! ha !

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