I was going to throw out my Halloween jack-0-lanterns last night, honest I was. But it rained all day, and I didn’t want to get soaked AND have pumpkin goo all over my hands.

Then, I figured I’d toss them out when I got home from school tonight. But the skies were still gushing rain.

It was that horrible wettest kind of rain, too; the kind of rain that no umbrella or rain-gear could help you with. A wetsuit covered with a trash bag covered with an old vinyl tablecloth covered with saran wrap, hovered over by a golf umbrella the size of a gazebo roof couldn’t save you from getting soaked in this kind of rain. And who wants to be seen outside the house in THAT kind of outfit?

What you wear INSIDE your house is nobody’s business but your own. As long as your curtains are closed.

Anyway, my point is, my jack-0-lanterns are still out there. So don’t bug me about them because I don’t care. Their time on this earth is short, and if they want to hang out on my porch an extra day or week or so, that’s between them and me.

Besides, they are filled with rainwater, and it makes them look like they’re puking when it rises to the level of their mouths and starts pouring out, taking strings of pumpkin guts with it.

All I do is scoop out the seeds. The guts are still in them. They help keep the candles from tipping over.

We’re still eating the toasted seeds. All buttery and salty. . . . yum.

When you toast pumpkin seeds, you have to be really careful to get them all the way done. Sometimes, the ones in the middle of the cookie pan are still softish, and when those babies get stuck in your teeth, not even floss can save you. Nothing wedges between your teeth like a still-too-soft pumpkin seed. Those things put popcorn to shame.

Popcorn. Mmmmm.

On second thought, I think I’ll mix all the leftover candy corn with all the leftover peanuts and make a bowl of fake PayDay candy. It really does taste like it, too. Try it. It’s amazing.

People line up all around the block for my creative homemaking tips.