Besides which, we still haven’t turned on the heat, and I need to get up and put on something warmer before I freeze to death while sitting here at my computer, and my husband finds me in the morning frozen stiff and covered with frost, like those homeless people in “Scrooged.”

Although I will have to say, that one old frozen guy had a way cooler watch than me. At least his still ticked when it got cold. My watch is more eccentric than a Red Hat lady. When it doesn’t like the climate, all its little gears just withdraw unto themselves and it stops working until the weather suits it better. All my watches are eccentric like that. I used to throw them away when they stopped working, and then I realized that if I just let them thaw out a little bit, they worked again.

They better work, by cracky. Sometimes I pay up to twelve bucks in the WalMart bin for them.

Anything that costs a two-digit number should last forever.

Did you all notice that I actually said ‘by cracky’ up there? See, I TOLD you I was old!